deepinthoughtwiseinmind

Girl

2010-03-03T18:51:00.004+08:00

If my eyes look at you. They can look at you no matter how long.
They look at you because I want to be with you
Your name and your voice are beautiful, different from the other girl.
My words are real, they are not fake. I say it to you. Your face is good looking.

No matter how nice is a song, no matter how good is a movie, they are incomparable with your good looking.
Infamous actress acting for people, incomparable with your act and your name.
If this flower gloom in this mountain, I will the flower for you.
Because of this flower, as precious as your life. Every man says you look like this flower.
Your smile is nice.

-end-

A never failing promise

2009-10-05T22:53:00.004+08:00

A never failing promise.

I see you and I holding hands.
Shall we keep hanging there.
I want this moment never end.
Only you and I no one else.

If this world is to end today,
I am ready to spend it with you.
If this world is to eternity.
I will walk along with you.

You shall know I never give up on you.
And I never stop loving you.
You shall know you are always first.
And I can never stop thinking of you.

Let the stars wink and the moon shines.
They will take care of the light and hope.
Let me give you warmth and comfort.
I will never fail you. I promise.

Inspired by the power of love :)

-end-

A playful god

2009-09-29T23:49:00.002+08:00

I skip work today, was too tired therefore took a day off. Think of updating my blog. These thoughts are in my mind for the past week.

My imagination of seeing with my twins niece is gone now. Initially I was planning to return to my hometown to visit my cousin sister in December to see her baby girls. When I just returned from Genting last week, I was informed that the one of the two baby girls whose my cousin sister delivered a week earlier passed away. I was sad of course, very sad indeed. I love kids, and these two baby girls will be the first twin in this big family. They are my cousin sister first delivery. Well, she cried a lot and it caused her eyes swollen. FYI, I am close with this cousin sister. Have promised her that I will buy something for the baby when I return. But now..sigh. At least there is still another baby girl to see when I return, hopefully she will sweet, sound and healthy.

The first thought when I heard this news: "Why on earth send a human being to this earth, less than a week and let her die? Do you want to hurt the parents? Well, not only the parents but the people around them too!! To remind them that you are the most powerful and can do everything? To remind them to pray to you? Do you think they will even do so when you hurt them so badly? So, in the end what is the point? What was your intention?".

Well, if there is god. He must be a playful one.

-end-

4 themes

2009-06-30T20:36:00.003+08:00

I am re-reading a book that I read sometime ago. I read the first page the book only last time. Since my brother and sister said this is the best story of the greatest trader of all time, and the speed of reading that they took was very quick, then I decide to start reading it again. The title is:
"Jesse Livermore, World's greatest stock trader", by Richard Smitten.

What I want to highlight in this posting is the preface of this book which has 4 themes as follows:

First, human nature never changes. Therefore, the stock market never changes. Only the faces, the pockets, the suckers and the manipulator, the wars, the disasters, and the technologies change. The market itself never changes. How can it? Human nature never changes, and human nature runs the market--not reason, not economics, and certainly not logic. It is our human emotions that drive the market, as they do most other things on this planet.

Second, the achievement of material goals and career ambitions does not equal the achievement of happiness in life. There is no correlation between success and happiness. There is no automatic balance between worldly riches and emotional fulfillment.

Third, it is our will that allows each of us to accomplish our goals, not our intellect. Talent is not enough. Luck is not enough. Only the will to suffer hard work and incredible persistence leads to the attainment of the impossible. There are no shortcuts; there is no easy way. Especially, as you'll find you, in the stock market.

Finally, it is the individual, not the group. that has led to the great discoveries of humanity. The great ideas, the great fortunes, and the giant steps forward in technology, politics, and medicine have all come from individuals, not groups.

The preface of the book has already turned on my mood to read. I will keep reading it and hopefully I will be able to finish it by the end of this week. I am going to have a trip to KL, Genting, Batu Caves, and Bukit Tinggi this weekend. Will be meeting some old friends and will be seeing some friends from Medan and accompany them, be their guide once again. Be this journey a good and memorable one.

-end-

Karna Ku Sayang Kamu

2009-06-23T01:18:00.000+08:00

Dygta - Karna Ku Sayang Kamu

Seandainya kau ada disini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Kuingin bersama dirimu
Ku tak akan pernah berpaling darimu
Walau kini kaujauh darimu
'Kan slalu kunanti
Karena ku sayang kamu

Hati ini selalu memanggil namamu, dengarlah melatiku
Ku berjanji hanyalah untukmu cintaku
Takkan pernah ada yang lain
Adakah rindu dihatimu, seperti rindu yang kurasa
sanggupkah terus terlena, tanpamu di sisiku
Ku 'kan slalu menantimu

-end-

Old age and hopelessness

2009-01-17T01:28:00.002+08:00

Been away for sometime from blogging. It's time to put some thought despite the little personal time I have these days. My time has been mostly used for job related research.

These days, on the way to work I always look at people around me. What I see have several things in common. I see old age, weaker body, and worse is these people's face don't reflect happiness at all. Faces with much thoughts and little hopes and spirit. I see the old folks collecting the dishes and left over from the table in hawker centers. I see old folks selling tissues. I see a man with a very bad burnt injury skin on his face and hands singing with his music set at the hawker center. I seldom see happiness on the people's face. Well, those young couples always look happy thought, they look at each other, eyes to eyes very deeply. Pampering each other with touches, a bit here and there. I see couples who are upset to each other on the train too.

All these scenes make me think again. What is life for if one day I will end up like all of them? Weak body, old age, and sorrow. Happiness doe not last long too if there is. How can I be positive in life? How about attaining enlightenment? So what after that? I will get rid of the reincarnation? Then disappear forever from the circle of life? Is that what our life for? for nothing? I don't know the answer. Will I find out? Will anybody answer this?

Anyway, I am lack of sleep lately. I have to extensive research with abundant of my time in order to catch up with my work. My face has turned red with rashes. That's not good. It has become like this after some time. Lack of sleep = rashes all over the face.

I had some fun today, playing fifa online at the cyber cafe with my colleague. Spontaneous plan, which is good. I always like it to be this way. I am looking forward to achieve something this year and by the end of the year, I should be able to determine which way I should go.

May the 2009 be better than years before to every human being in this world. May all beings be blessed with happiness.

nb: Since the year ends with 09, someone famous might end up dead with accident or suicide. That's what I remember. Let's see who would that be.

-end-

2008-12-27T00:04:00.002+08:00

Whatever is gone will never be back, will it?
Wrong. It will come back to haunt you once in a while.
I want to retrieve my lost memories from the past. How am I supposed to do it?
Lean on my bed, try to think of the past, till finally fall asleep.

Nearly no time for updating blog nowadays. There is no much mood to write too.

By the way, I am enjoying my work now. Just clinched my first second deal. More to come.
I am targeting another 8 next month to be promoted. And second thing is $$$. I need a lot
of money =)

Miss some parts of the past time.

- end -

A good day

2008-11-20T01:09:00.003+08:00

I just finish counting all the jobs that I have been applying so far. The number is about 180 applications. Is that consider many? I don't know. I am being grateful that I nail it this time! I made it! I just secure a job! Yeahay! A job that I have interest in, it's just awesome! After all failing applications and numerous rejections, once again I finally nail it!!! Hahaha!

So, here it goes my first ever permanent job :) I hope this will last long enough. I do think that I am someone who doesn't like hopping from one company to another even though I really think I am good at adapting to new environment. I am happy I am happy. As I said in the preview post, the company name is Neo Edge. Which also means New, exceptional edge. Because they hire exceptional employees like me? Wakakaka. Self-praise. I'm just looking forward to doing well in my first job. Hope I won't be kicked out that soon. Hehehehe. Well, if I don't like the company I will make myself kicked out by them. lol.

Actually before this. I was offered two jobs as well. A fund-raiser and A management trainee with Prudential. The first was quite a noble job. The latter just doesn't suit my taste. When I heard of prudential, there goes all of my appetite =) However, the management trainee sounds quite promising, earning above 10k in after 2 years. But it's just not my cup of tea. On the other hand, the fund raiser doesn't have any basic salary. Oh come on, how am I gonna survive at the beginning without money even though they say I can earn more than basic salary. Well I just don't take that kind of risk. The next thing they say were they are teaching us how to fish instead of serving us the fish. Well, many companies teach people how to fish as well, and they provide their employees with basic salary too as well as commission to motivate them.

One of my friend's friends is working there too. He is Indonesian too! great. Haha. I'll have someone from my country working together with me. That will be more soothing :)

Well well well. I am getting too excited today. Haha. It's a good day afterall. Angga's birthday. Happy birthday Bud!! Till then..

-end-

Interview

2008-11-18T23:58:00.003+08:00

My interview went quite well today. I would say the interviewer has interest in me. I didn't screw up that much :) Just hope that the other candidates are worse than so he will choose me eventually. I have to call him to let him know my decision. Hehe. I'd definitely say yes for the offer although the basic salary is not high. Well, it's adequate for me to survive at the beginning. I am looking more the opportunities and the things that I can learn along the way on this career path. No pain no gain!

Hope that I will nail it this time! Have been searching for too long for a job! I have to admit that looking for a jobs is not as easy as I thought it is :) Now I eat my words. Kekekeke. I used to think it's gonna be easy dozy. Well, I was wrong.

Oh, I guess the best I can hope is that He's gonna hire me man!!! I am so looking forward to working in this company. Kind of fun. Hehe. And again, I need money money money. I have been living with adequate money only for the last 2 months :) Thanks to my sister.

I had headache tonight. I should be sleeping already. However, after I massage my eyes. I just cannot sleep. Maybe my mind cannot stop thinking. So I got up and online, chat a while. Monitor my stocks on Facebook. Haha, most of them are in red colours. That's bad. I made some changes of course to gain back the $5 million that I've lost so far. Let's see whether it works.

Please no more headache. I hate headache. Oh ya, Ailee is in Singapore today :) Will be meeting her within this week hopefully. I think I've been missing her. Hehe.

-end-

2008-11-17T23:37:00.002+08:00

I went to a Buddhist talk yesterday. Haha. It's my first time since so many elephant years :)
The story started when I saw an ad in the newspaper inviting all to come to the talk. The ad says: "Discover the Buddha nature within you. Who is the Buddha? does his teachings still apply to our modern world? What is his view of life?"

Well, I was definitely attracted, I've decided to go the first time I saw the ad. It is held for 3 consecutive weeks, on Sunday 2-4 PM. I attended the first one which was yesterday. It was under my expectation. The monk speaker is a Japanese. He speaks very Japanese-accent. It gave me a hard time to listen. Must fully concentrate. lol. Well, I managed to understand. However, he was just telling about the Buddhism history which I have already known for a decade. lol. Not interesting. Maybe it might get more interesting next week when he will tell more about The Four Noble Truth and 8 fold path. Buttt, I am not interested to go anymore. Hahahaha. Too bad.

The most interesting part happened on the Q&A session. There is this old man, his 60s maybe. Damn old folk, really. He came with a written question from home after reading the whole news in Singapore newspaper I guess. LOL. His questions were irrelevant. But he kept insisting asking more and more questions. Well, actually he wanted to debate over it. I wonder, why is an old man so not wise? He doesn't even have peace of mind at his age? It's sad. simply sad. Or perhaps he doesn't have someone to listen to him at home? LOL. this makes more sense I guess.

During the Q&A sessions. I think there are some misconceptions of Buddhism by those who attended. They don't really understand the fundamental of Buddhism. Also, they are already biased by tradition and Buddhism practice. Well, I think this kind of misconception happens in every religion. Therefore, it causes critiques, wrong doings, and never-ending debates about religion. Some people just send the wrong messages to the followers. Jreng jreng jreng...It causes disaster!

It's a never ending subject when come to religion. I myself now have made my mind clear not to debate on religion. Each has fundamental differences. There is no way once will believe the others fundamental. Therefore, the only way is to "RESPECT". But I believe, religion is a good thing. That sums all.

Just a light post this time :O I'm having interview tomorrow! Corporate Sales Executive with an event company which is creating conferences for businesses. Well, I am kind of interested in working with them. It's called Neo-Edge. I applied for this post about 20 days ago. Now only I get the reply. Hahaha. Better late than never. I hope I won't screw up tomorrow because I really need a job ASAP! I am damn PooR! :(

p.s: Good luck for myself! yeay!

-end-

My life so far

2008-11-15T23:13:00.012+08:00

People say, pictures speak a thousand words. In this post, I am going to post some memorable photos with footnote :) Let's see my journey in this so called earth so far. Actually, I have wanted to do this sometime ago. Finally I am able to release this from my mind.

I'm a "family man", so let's start with family photos :)

UP: A young confused little boy. Never smile.
rebellious. but i guess lovable :)

BUTT: My family, that's me 6 months young. Photo taken in October 1987.

UP:A day to remember. An accomplishment.

BUTT:A great day! A very Happy day! My Bro's
I am glad everyone was there. My loved ones. wedding. I love him abundantly! respect my sil too.

My very very precious ones. Brother and Sister.

My friends are my second family. So, here they come next :)

UP:So far He's my bestman! :) Always there when I need him. Especially money trouble :)
He's my walking ATM machine. lol.

BUTT:This pic was taken when we met each
other again after 3 years living in different city. I can connect most of the time when talking to her :) Great Bud! She is my live DJ, sings for me when I am sad. What more can you expect from a friend? She's still single btw :) Anyone interested?

UP: He is a great one too! Best Bud in Malaysia.
One crazy guy chasing love all the time, but eventually failed :) poor rascal! We connect real well! Auto Connect! :)

BUTT: A reliable friend. Will be useful in future :) He's studying law. Will be a lawyer one day.

UP:Two crazy fellas. Haha.

BUTT: One crazy fella who made me famous for a day
in college! :) A caring girl! Lovable. Quite weak :)

The closest ever girl to me so far. A cute lovely one.
I learned precious lessons from being with her
for sometime. Had a great time too :)
Thank you

The late ones. Those who have left my journey so far.

UP: My late grandma.

BUTT: My late good friend. This is the only pic I have as memory. He's with his daughter,
Cindy. He was like my own brother :"(

Memorable Moments in my journey.

UP: A day when I was made speechless. touched.

BUTT: The day when I went to pursue my degree. There they were, my good friends. sending me to the airport.

UP: First time in Prapat, with friends :)

BUTT: First time staying overnight in Brastagi :)

UP: First time driving to Genting.
BUTT: It was a First time enjoying clubbing! :) great time!

UP: Second time on Heaven! Unbelievable! Look at the date. It's my Best Bud Bday! :)

BUTT: First time on heaven! I was wow!

UP: First time had my haircut by my Best Bud in Malaysia :) Look great hoh!

BUTT: HEHEHEHEHE. First time cutting people's hair. Look at my model's hair! LOL

First time had my blond hair. It lasts less than 24 hours :(

BUTT: First time so many people celebrate my bday! Ada pasukan telur lengkap! HEHE. Si Fresno pegang kamera. Sayang sekali :)

UP: First time in America. The greatest country so far. greatest experience too.

BUTT: First time meet my idol. Andy and Charlene!!

Lastly, people also like to say, save the best for the last. here it goes :)

A girl that I will never forget.
Sweet. Tough. Wise.
Have learned a lot from her.
Thank You.

That's my life so far. Life goes on. Depends on how long do i live on earth. The story will go on.

-end-

I can see the ant at the opposite island, but I cannot see the elephant in front of me

2008-11-11T11:30:00.003+08:00

I am wandering aimlessly
Looking too far, but I don't even know how to take the road in front of me.
I should stop, and ponder, decide my direction.
I should then continue this long journey.
I should now think whether I can sacrifice to gain.
I should never fail or I don't have the reason to keep me living anymore.
I lost my pace, but the time never stops. It's flying even faster now.
Monday, Wednesday, and finally another Sunday. Another week is gone.
Seems like there is only 3 days a week without me realising.
High pressure on me, psychologically.
Now what should I do?
I will find out. And when I do. I will get back here.

-end-

Serangan Susah Tidur

2008-10-11T16:00:00.003+08:00

Belakangan gejala susah tidur kambuh lagi nih. Mati deh, otak ini rasanya muter terus tanpa henti. Trus gw mesti bangun, liat2 komputer bentar, trus ampe mata cape deh baru bisa terlelap lagi, tidur siang aja susah. Kemarin tuh SST (Serangan Susah Tidur) datang lagi, alhasil gw bangun, trus liat2 hp bentar, liat video lucu :) eh, tapi masih ga bisa tidur juga, melekkk, akhirnya mutusin untuk nonton filem hantu deh, walaupun perut keroncongan, tap gak ada rencana makan.

Gw ntn "Kereta Hantu Manggarai", hantunya sih ngeri, tapi keseringan munculnya, bentar2 muncul, jadi bosan deh. Haha. Tapi untuk level film indo masih boleh lah :)

Akhirnya gw kembali ke rumah tercinta gw di Malaysia. Haha. Pas plg yang pertama gw liat, tanaman kacang putih tercinta gw! Wah, sudah besar ternyata! Sudah sebulan ga ketemu, udah bisa melilit lilit ke tongkat pel. Hahaha. Walaupun tanahnya itu udah kering bangat, untung masih bisa bertahan deh. Cinta bangat ama Kacang Putih ini, soalnya udah gw tanam dari biji kecikk lohh, kan sayang kalau mati, kalau si sodara Kacang Putih, si Kacang Ijo, udah lompat dia, kepalanya puntung, trus dua hari lagi, tewas. Hahahaha. Sekarang tinggal Si KP tercinta doang deh.

Kemarin gw udah rencanain buat tempat baru buat si KP. Pot nya gw buat dari tong sampah bekas gw yang masih bagus, bokongnya gw gergaji biar banyak lubang, biar air bisa keluar. Jadi rencananya tuh hari ini gw mo nyolong tanah! Hahaha, di cyber kan banyak tanah tuh, tapi keras2 abis, susah galinya! Trus pikir2 lagi, eh, di SK situ kan ada jual tanaman pasti ada jual tanah deh. Dan akhirnya hari ini terbangunlah tempat tinggal baru buat si KP. Hohoho. Mau liat dia bisa tumbuh berapa gede abis ini! Mungking melilit semua balkon rumah gw kali yahh..amin.

Kembali ke cerita kemarin, gw gosok kamar mandi ampe sejam! Buset tuh kamar mandi kotornya minta ampun pun pun pun!! Dasar jorok si Kepin, bisa dia tahan mandi di tempat kayak gitu, cuci muka di wastafel yang jamur2nya udah saling berdesakan ampe gak ada tempat. zzzzz. Kalau gw sih cinta berat ama WC gw, jadi mesti bersih! Bisa nyantai kalau mandi dan eek, bisa sambil nyanyi2, nikmatin waktu. Karna di WC lah otak gw paling segar, kadang ide2 brilliant tercipta di ruangan kecil tempat yang sangat bejat itu..huehuehue...

Tadi pagi pergi ke Klang, bungkus bakut teh nih sekalian urus visa. Hohoho. Mudah2an dapat deh visa urgent gw, biar bisa impian gw yang satu lagi tercapai. Tapi payah nih gw, selama ini impian gw di penuhi orang lain, bukan di penuhi diri sendiri. payah payah payah. Tapi lumayan juga sih :)

Oh ya, pas perjalanan ke Klang, gw tersesat, haha, bego benar gw bisa2 ga ngeliat hotel yang gitu gede di sebelah kiri gw, trus pas plg malah ngambil u-turn lagi yang seharusnya tidak perlu. Hahahaha. Abisin minyak aja. Trus, yg parah, gak ada duit lagi buat bayar toll, wakakakakaka...titis uang paling akhir, untung deh cukup. Kalau gak kan malu bangat gw! bayar pake rupiah dia terima gak yah kira2?

Malam ini mau bertemu kawan2, ada si oon, si zyee, ama si iki. Haha. Ceritain tentang mereka akan lebih banyak lagi mungkin kalau gw rajin posting blog. Amin.

Photo: Tempat tinggal baru Kacang Putih dan KP yang melilit lilit di tongkat pel :)

-end-

Poker cards

2008-10-05T00:12:00.003+08:00

It was a great day today! Laughing till I lost my voice :) Been sometime I don't laugh like this! Hahahaha. These cards made us crazy. It was another birthday celebration this weekend. It was my cousin's friend. He's 27. Wow! I was wondering how would I be when I am at this age :) I most likely would have married or at least decided when I will get married. lol.

Back to the cards, we played hard attack! This game was real fun. Each player has 13 cards which sums up to 52 cards because there are 4 players. Each one will shout out the number simultaneously. E.g A says 1, B says 2, C says 3 and so on. If the number said it the same as the one displayed, you've got to be fast to tap the card. The last player who taps the card loose and has to take the whole stack of the card which was just played. Understood? lol. I bet you played this before with your friends. Haha. However, today's "Heart Attack" is more advanced. Hahaha. We +1, -1, +2, or -2. It gets much more confusing. It needs your brain to process faster, and sometimes when you get hesitated, you'll simply tap the wrong card, wrong turn. LOL. It was awesome!! You should try it with your friends.

Next we played memory card. We put the whole 52 cards on the floor, separate them tidily. Your task is to find the same pair. Each player takes turns. It was a good one too! :)

Well, today we should thank the one whoever invented the Poker Card. It was just a great invention of the century!

I am waiting for a brighter week to come. Getting a job real soon :)

-end-

I'm getting old

2008-10-02T11:07:00.003+08:00

Close up of my face. Look at the wrinkles beside my eyes!

I'm indeed getting old. I'm 21 years old. Haha. Maybe I will only live another 50 years if possible.
I don't want to live longer than that. I think there are about 10 lines on my face for now. Let's count the wrinkles in 5 years time. Will it be much more? I bet so.

I am learning to change now. Do it now and now only before it's too late.
I have to keep telling myself this sentence. Everyday. LOL! Gambatteh!

What will I do for a living? For now: A job which pays more than basic salary.

-end-

October 1 2008

2008-10-01T10:32:00.003+08:00

It's the 1st of October! It's my friend's birthday, the Idul Fitri, and my country's "Hari Kesaktian Pancasila". Three in one. September has passed just like that. And I? My life? Hasn't changed at all.
It's still the same routines. Jobless. Clueless. But at least not hopeless. I'm still full of hope, full of determination, and full of spirit of course. I still believe the best things are yet to come.

I think when I think too much, and get angry, but I cannot release my anger. That's the time when I will stab people in my dream. Hehe. I killed two guys who were trying to harm someone I treasure and myself in my dream yesterday. Using knife, a few stabs, and there they died. Then, I threw them to the sea to feed the fish. lol. How cruel am I? To protect my loved one, I might kill.

It can be frustrating when you see all your friends are already working and you are still unemployed. lol. Peer pressure people called it. However, it can be good as well because you can feel it. It's more experiential. You can only have this feeling once in your life, it cannot be attained in other times. You listen to your friends complain about their jobs, how good and bad their boss and colleagues are. But you don't have anything to share with them. lol. How does that sound? But it shouldn't let you down of course. Not for me. Well, the good thing is yet to come, if not the best. Fight for something that you believe! Do it! and Do it NOW!

Gotta go, my friend is coming. Long lost buddy. Haha.

-end-

Unconditional Love

2008-09-29T20:03:00.002+08:00

A place that I'd love to have with someone special, one day.

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.

“Mom and Dad, I’m coming home, but I’ve a favour to ask. I have a friend I’d like to bring home with me.”

“Sure,” they replied, “we’d love to meet him.”

“There’s something you should know the son continued, “he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live.”

“No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us.”

“Son,” said the father, “you don’t know what you’re asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can’t let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He’ll find a way to live on his own.”

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn’t know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don’t like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren’t as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are. Thankfully, there’s someone who won’t treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.

P.S : So, are you up to an unconditional love?

-end-

Puisi Ngawur

2008-08-23T23:11:00.002+08:00

Ketika ku hanya bisa beridiri
Menatap cintaku pergi menghilang jauh
Tanpa Ku bisa bertutur kata
Kini kau t'lah tiada disisku
Hanya tinggal kenangan di ingatanku ini
Biarlah ia berakhir seperti ini saja
Sudahlah lupakan kisah yang tak kan pernah mungkin berubah

Puisi ngawur :)

-end-

Silent Night

2008-07-30T00:56:00.002+08:00

Woo, I guess this is the appropriate time for me to blog again. It hasn't been like this for sometime. I used to write my blog at this time. But recently, all I wrote was in a rush, pasting lyrics, and anything else.

Silent night, as the old days. I enjoy the moment. Look out to the gleaming street down there with lamp posts and some cars passing by. Air conditioning and computer processor's sound accompanying but the fan movement. Tik Tik Tik, and the keyboard pressed sound of course.

Well, I just finished the second season of Dexter, the forensic cop serial killer who is working for Miami Metro Police Department. Well, it was a good one. As good as criminal minds, heroes, and prison break. It teaches me how to survive in this cruel world. lol. As if I am always trying to survive, actually I haven't been to the real cruel world yet. But, I will, soon.

What ruin a relationship? What make your couple go for someone else, cheating behind you? Where was it go wrong? How could be a long relationship ended up with absolutely nothing? and all left was just lies?

I think I have answer for this one. What I observed from Dexter. Haha. When two people get close to each other, they get to know each other more, they try to trust each other, share problems, share whatever they have in minds. Those happen in the early beginning of a relationship. Most people, without realising it, they forget that, they are, at the same time, trying to control each other. They try to restrict each other, they try to pester their own decided schedule to the spouse, without considering that the situation is no longer the same. There might be personal problems, family's, work's, and more to go. Yet again, most people forget what they are missing here, "trying to control each other".

When they are trapped in this situation, and at the same time, if there are unstopping problems hitting one of them, one of them will find someone else for solution. Simply because they believe that he/ she cannot share with his/ her spouse for this particular matter. That is when affair comes. It was inevitable. Perhaps, it's human nature. So, the story goes on. He will find another girl, perhaps share his problems or more. He might starts to think that, he's happier with that other girl. Because, he is not under control, it's a new fresh relationship. Most new fresh relationship doesn't have this control thingy. We do whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want. Then, there goes the end of the relationship with the first spouse. Unfortunately, eventually, he will find the same problem occurs with that another girl, then he will start to rethink, reconsider. He would seek forgiveness to the first spouse. But, too bad, it's too late too apologise. Well, if the first girl was innocent yet, she might forgive him, and that guy can be considered himself, lucky. It goes the same for both man and woman. I guess so.

Well, that's what I observed from the series that I watched. It happened that way, and I realise that it happens in real life too. It happened to me before (Well, this is referring to the control part only, not the affair :> ) and it has happened to many others for sure. The advice is, try to remain new, remain fresh, you need adjustment in life. It cannot be the same way at all times. Feelings change, easily. I wish I were like the real Dexter. No feelings. No worries. Solid. Unmoved.

I still love this silent night. The cosiness it provides me. Peaceful. The calm street and accompanying lamp posts. I love to live here. This feeling is good. Haha. Hope it won't fade away. Time to leave. Sayonara.

-end-

Words are powerful

2008-07-25T17:55:00.002+08:00

Words are indeed powerful. One sms made me think indefinitely. It kept my mind rolling and end up sleeping late and having headache. Those words were emotional, hence they are powerful. It made my heart beats fast, faster, and faster. Woooo, I should learn very hard to use more powerful words. Haha. Persuade people, convince them. Argh, whatever shit.

-end-

Three things

2008-07-24T20:59:00.002+08:00

Twenty one years and four months I took free air from this earth, there are three musketeers who accompany most of the time and reluctant to leave. However, they turn out to be bad companies. First is the time-eater, second the confident-eater, and third the decision-eater.

I love wasting time, that's why the time eater supports me all the time.
I loose and regain my confidence regularly, another reason for the confident eater befriend with me.
I change my mind easily, within minutes. I'm always indecisive, well in some important matters. The decision-eater is kind of fond of me on this.

Coming to think of the them, I always wonder what went wrong. Today, a question popped out in my mind, and I guess that's what made me come to a realisation. Every time I use my feeling, I was always wrong. Most of the time if not all the time. This feeling affects my confident and my decision making. I guess, I have to start using my brain more than my feeling.

Recently, there was a question asked by one of the judges in miss universe 2008. Which one is better in life, to follow your heart or to follow your mind. I think I will answer the later one if I am asked one day.

Now, when I knew what went wrong, I can start to find a way to prevent me for being wrong again. Life's been uncertain for me lately. I really have to make up my mind if I want to be a better person.

enough here.

-end-

A journey awaits to start

2008-07-07T23:10:00.002+08:00

A thousand miles journey starts with a single step.

The questions are:
How do i take the first step?
When to take the first step?
When to decide to take the first step?
Which destination to go?
What is the purpose of going to that destination?

I've to answer those qs first. Take my time.

-end-

Thesis Advertisements

2008-06-03T22:58:00.010+08:00

First Ad (Sony Play Station 2)
(Please click image to enlarge)

Second Ad (Sanyo Xacti CA6)
(Please click image to enlarge)

Third Ad (Nikon Coolpix wide lens)
(Please click image to enlarge)

Fourth Ad (ACER Ferrari 1000)
(Please click image to enlarge)

Wouldn't it be nice?

2008-05-20T01:01:00.001+08:00

Would it be nice if live is like this???

Wouldn't it be nice - Beach Boys

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married
And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice

-end-

Puisi

2008-05-18T09:57:00.001+08:00


I retrieved this old paragraph from my old email. A good one. 



Terkadang ada saat-saat dalam hidup

ketika engkau merindukan seseorang

begitu dalam, hingga engkau ingin mengambilnya dari

angan-anganmu,

lalu memeluknya erat-erat!

Ketika pintu kebahagiaan tertutup, pintu yang lain

terbuka;

tetapi, seringkali kita memandang terlalu lama

pada pintu yang tertutup hingga kita tidak melihat pintu

yang lain,

yang telah terbuka bagi kita.

Jangan percaya penglihatan; penglihatan dapat menipu.

Jangan percaya kekayaan; kekayaan dapat sirna.

Percayalah pada dia yang dapat membuatmu tersenyum,

sebab hanya senyumlah yang
dibutuhkan

untuk mengubah hari gelap menjadi terang.

Carilah dia, yang membuat hatimu tersenyum

Angankan apa yang engkau ingin angankan;

pergilah kemana engkau ingin pergi;

jadilah seperti yang engkau kehendaki,

sebab hidup hanya satu kali dan

engkau hanya memiliki satu kesempatan

untuk melakukan segala hal yang engkau ingin lakukan.

Semoga engkau punya cukup kebahagiaan untuk membuatmu

tersenyum,

cukup pencobaan untuk membuatmu kuat,

cukup penderitaan untuk tetap menjadikanmu manusiawi

dan cukup pengharapan untuk menjadikanmu bahagia

Mereka yang paling berbahagia tidaklah harus

memiliki yang terbaik dari segala sesuatu;

mereka hanya mengoptimalkan

segala sesuatu yang datang dalam perjalanan hidup mereka.

Masa depan yang paling gemilang akan selalu dapat

diraih dengan melupakan masa lalu yang kelabu;

engkau tidak akan dapat maju dalam hidup hingga

engkau melepaskan segala kegagalan dan sakit hatimu.

Ketika engkau dilahirkan, engkau menangis

sementara semua orang di sekelilingmu tersenyum.

Jalani hidupmu sedemikian rupa, hingga pada akhirnya

engkaulah satu-satunya yang tersenyum

sementara semua orang di sekelilingmu menangis.

Jangan hitung tahun-tahun yang lewat,

hitunglah saat-saat yang indah ..

Hidup tidak diukur dengan banyaknya napas yang kita hirup;

melainkan dengan saat-saat di mana kita menarik napas

bahagia

My tarot prediciton

2008-05-05T03:25:00.000+08:00

Your personal tarot cards are listed below. Scroll down to read a brief description of each card. Click on the thumbnails to view larger images of the cards. The selection of these cards is based upon your name and birth date. With the exception of the growth cards, your personal cards do not change. Cards that appear more than once in your personal set indicate that the influences they represent are a very powerful force in your life.
Your Power Cards	Your Desire Cards
Your Core Cards
Your Growth Cards	Your Lucky Cards
Your Power Cards represent strengths you were born with.
Justice	The High Priestess
Justice signifies the principle that although things sometimes seem askew the Universe is ultimately fair. We may not see or understand why things happen, but most of us sense there is in fact a reason and that balance exists even when we cannot see it. Justice denotes fairness regardless of who you are. At its purest the forces embodied by Justice give us the power to see without bias, and the courage to be accountable for our actions. These powers also test our faith at times. These powers also give us the tools and strength to fight injustice in our everyday life. All we have to do is use them. When The Emperor is among your personal cards, the influence of Justice may be increased. Having The Devil in your personal cards may diminish the influence of Justice.	Completely feminine and the counterpart to The Magician, the High Priestess is the Gatekeeper of the subconscious, the unknown. She travels in worlds which most of us only glimpse in our dreams. Her realm is that of unseen truths, untapped potentials, and hidden dangers. The Calling of The High Priestess is to go beyond the obvious and visible to tap those powers which are veiled from normal vision. While she is passive by nature, she has the power to uncover unknown potential and is very aware of the infinite potential all humans harbor within them. She is also very patient. She is also very patient. She can wait for events to blossom in their own time. When The Hermit or Hanged Man are among your personal cards, the influence of The High Priestess may be increased. Having the Magus in your personal cards may diminish the influence of The High Priestess.
Your Desire Cards focus on your ambitions and dreams.
The Wheel of Fortune	The Magus
The Wheel of Fortune represents that aspect of life that is directed by forces and events we may not understand or even be aware of. In short, The Wheel deals with chance—those occurrences that manage to alter even the most structured of lives, usurp man’s “best laid plans.” While the effects of The Wheel are unpredictable, the outcome is always change; sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Our path through life is never a ride down a perfectly straight highway. Sometimes we may even experience hairpin turns or complete reversals of direction. The Wheel of Fortune is strong reminder that despite our plans, the Universe has its own agenda from which we cannot escape participation. When The World or The Fool are among your personal cards, the influence of The Wheel of Fortune may be increased. Having The Hierophant or The Emperor in your personal cards may diminish the influence of The Wheel of Fortune.	The Magus is the physical embodiment of decisive action based upon knowledge and aimed squarely at specific goals. While firmly set in the material world, he none-the-less has a powerful spiritual connection as well. His knowledge, wisdom and skill are all encompassing. He is complete. His power as a creator is unmatched on our earthly plane. He is self-aware and unafraid to act. His enormous strength gives him the freedom to act as he chooses. However, responsibility comes with that freedom. Because he is not bound to the restraints of others he must choose how to act. The question that always lies before him is should he act morally, or forsake ethics for personal gain. When The Chariot is among your personal cards, the influence of The Magus may be increased. Having The Empress or Hanged Man in your personal cards may diminish the influence of The Magus.
Your Lucky Cards represent elements that favor you.
The Lovers	The Fool
The Lovers indicates both the most powerful of unions and the most of challenging conflicts humans must face. On one side The Lover’s embodies love and union on a cosmic scale—a love so strong, so inherently good that it actually makes the lovers better, more than they really are. All of the elements are there for the perfect union. The Lovers represent all powerful unions in general, and the elements that create/sustain them. The problem The Lovers face is temptation and the decision to act morally or abandon their ethics to take advantage of other opportunities that would be defined as transgressions. The Lovers' influence is increased when The Empress is among your personal cards. Having The Hierophant or The Hermit in your personal cards may diminish the influence of the Lovers.	This card represents the dreamer in you, the idealist, the mystic. The Fool desires to do great things, but is often unaware of just how difficult great things are to do. He must always be very careful of the choices he makes, and remember knowledge is his ally. The Fool often symbolizes a new beginning, unrestrained optimism, and curiosity that hasn’t been dulled by time. While The Fool may well indicate a lack of experience or grasp of the pitfalls along the path he is taking, it is equally true that his lack of experience leads him to believe all things are possible, which brings even impossible goals within his grasp. When The Hanged Man or The Star are among your personal cards, the influence of The Fool may be increased. Having The Devil in your personal cards may diminish the influence of The Fool.
Your Growth Cards represent influences you will need to take advantage of over the next year to weave your way through life optimally.
The Hanged Man	The Empress
The Hanged Man is the most enigmatic card of the Tarot. Even Tarot giants like Waite, Crowley and Levi had trouble deciphering The Hanged Man’s true meaning. Generally The Hanged Man is thought to represent the value of surrender and selfless acts. The Hanged Man embodies the notion that sometimes to lose is to win. Unlike the aggressive Chariot, The Hanged Man creates his fate through inaction and accepts his fortune passively, without resistance. He does not struggle to control the path his life takes, but rather allows events to sweep him where they will, even if he is called upon to sacrifice himself. He is so at ease with the Fate the Universe chose for him that even hanging upside down from a tree does not ruffle him. When The High Priestess or Strength is among your personal cards, the influence of The Hanged Man may be increased. Having The Magus or Chariot in your personal cards may diminish the influence of The Hanged Man.	The Empress is “The Earth Mother” of the Tarot. She embodies all that is nurturing, clean and wholesome. Her powers resonate from her drive to create and care for life on a grand scale. She is in tune with Nature’s rhythm and realizes that life’s most pleasurable moments often stem from the simplest things. She is not afraid to enjoy herself--to let loose—to the point of being lavish. Abundance and luxury are important to her. The Empress is completely comfortable with her femininity and her sexuality. She is sensual, earthy, generous, and likes the good life. Still, her driving force is a need to create and nurture, and fulfilling this need overrides everything else. When The Lover or The Star are among your personal cards, the influence of The Empress may be increased. Having the Emperor or Death in your personal cards may diminish the influence of The Empress.
Your Core Cards represent your most basic traits--all that you are begins with the influences associated with these cards.
The World	The Empress
Like The Sun, The World brings good blessings to your set of personal cards. The World appears where all is in balance. It allows you to act effectively not only as an individual but as a member of a group too. The World promises contentment, fulfillment and completeness to those under its influence. It doesn’t guarantee there will not be moments of strife or discord in your life, but it does indicate that your trials and tribulations will be overcome; that ultimately you will know inner-peace and contentment. The World suggests you have found or will find your place in our Universe—that place where all is as it should be. When Temperance or The Sun are among your personal cards, the influence of The World may be increased. Having The Hermit in your personal cards may diminish the influence of The World.	The Empress is “The Earth Mother” of the Tarot. She embodies all that is nurturing, clean and wholesome. Her powers resonate from her drive to create and care for life on a grand scale. She is in tune with Nature’s rhythm and realizes that life’s most pleasurable moments often stem from the simplest things. She is not afraid to enjoy herself--to let loose—to the point of being lavish. Abundance and luxury are important to her. The Empress is completely comfortable with her femininity and her sexuality. She is sensual, earthy, generous, and likes the good life. Still, her driving force is a need to create and nurture, and fulfilling this need overrides everything else. When The Lover or The Star are among your personal cards, the influence of The Empress may be increased. Having the Emperor or Death in your personal cards may diminish the influence of The Empress.

My natal chart

2008-05-05T03:12:00.000+08:00

Planetary Positions at Birth

Sun: 07º 47' in Aries
Moon: 00º 30' in Sagittarius
Mercury: 25º 14' in Aries
Venus: 23º 46' in Aries
Mars: 26º 03' in Cancer

Jupiter: 28º 11' in Gemini
Saturn: 24º 22' in Leo
Uranus: 15º 47' in Scorpio
Neptune: 18º 16' in Sagittarius
Pluto: 15º 29' in Libra

Aspects

Conjunction: Mercury Venus 1º
Opposition: Sun Pluto 7º
Quincunx: Moon Jupiter 2º
Semi-Sextile: Mars Jupiter 2º
Semi-Sextile: Mars Saturn 1º
Semi-Sextile: Uranus Neptune 2º
Semi-Sextile: Uranus Pluto 0º
Sextile: Jupiter Saturn 3º
Sextile: Mercury Jupiter 2º

Sextile: Neptune Pluto 2º
Sextile: Venus Jupiter 4º
Square: Mercury Mars 0º
Square: Venus Mars 2º
Trine: Mercury Neptune 6º
Trine: Mercury Saturn 0º
Trine: Moon Mars 4º
Trine: Saturn Neptune 6º
Trine: Venus Neptune 5º
Trine: Venus Saturn 0º

The Sun in Aries
The Sun and its place on your chart are the most important information astrology can provide you with. Your most powerful energies and force-of-will are denoted by the Sun's position.

Traits: Adventurous, Energetic, Pioneering, Courageous, Enthusiastic, Confident, Dynamic and Quick-Witted

Dark Traits:Selfish, Quick-Tempered, Impulsive, Impatient, Foolhardy and a bit of a Daredevil

You were born during a period when the Sun was in Aries. Arians see themselves as consummate leaders. While they are excellent at initiating and overseeing projects, don't rely on them to be down in the pits actually getting the work done. Arians are not afraid of being on the cutting edge of things. Energetic Arians love the opportunities and challenges each new day brings.

Arians are blunt and outspoken--often to the point that more sensitive souls around them will become alienated. Arians are intrepid and aggressive. When needed, they can almost always muster the inner-strength to face any challenge. Always competitive, Arians never lose sight of what is in their best interest .

Arians are often inclined to be egotistical and domineering. They much prefer action to allowing things to settle on their own. They are never afraid to take chances or follow their impulses. When their actions fail to produce the expected results, they still pride themselves in at least trying. They love exploring new ground. Indeed they expect to be first to go anywhere new. While Arians may not be for everyone, their courage and willingness to initiate action make them an asset to any team project.

Sun Opposition or Square Pluto
You are seeker of power. You want to be known and remembered as someone special. Although you hide the force of your ambitions well, within you lies the potential for fanaticism.

Moon In Sagittarius
The placement of the Moon on your chart denotes a region of life you travel through based upon your instincts. The Moon's placement often points to emotional issues we must address.

Because you are so warm and kindhearted you are blessed with a lengthy list of friends. You can be the life of any party! You are the eternal optimist. Where others see obstacles that cannot be overcome, you see challenges to that make life more interesting. You have a playful spirit and are always ready for a new adventure.

Your need to maintain a positive attitude makes you uncomfortable when you or anyone has problems even you cannot see a solution for. The emotional problems of others may make you flee.

For you friends may be as important as love. Indeed, it is likely your mate is your best friend and a mentor. You need a circle of friends who encourage your endeavors and share your positive attitude.

Moon Sextile or Trine Mars
You are not one to shy away from a fight or try to wait out problems hoping they will just disappear. You loathe whiners and feel the best solution to everything is to act.

Mercury In Aries
The position of Mercury on your chart will give you insight into how you communicate with others and learn.

You are not one to keep your opinions to yourself. You're outspoken and not the slightest bit uneasy about being the single dissenter in a crowd. Indeed, you sometimes enjoy being the creator of conflict. Diplomacy in not a talent you possess or desire.

You are very creative and often see new and better solutions to old problems. You love being on the cutting edge of things. The newest anything will attract you. However new becomes old to you very quickly, so you are always seeking new crazes.

Mercury Conjunct Venus
You have a love of the arts and innate sense of style. Your creativity makes you a natural to pursue a career in the arts. Unlike many with a talent for the arts you do well in social settings. Your charm and sense of humor make you attractive to a wide variety of people.

Mercury Opposition or Square Mars
For you conversation is essentially debate or even an argument. While your powers of speech may make you a worthy attorney or advocate for anything, they can sometimes irritate people when you are interacting on a personal level.

Mercury Sextile or Trine Jupiter
You are forever in search of new knowledge. You have a keen interest in the future and think in grand terms. You are quick witted, unbiased, and tactful, which makes people enjoy your company. You would be well suited for any career requiring an exceptional mind and sense of diplomacy.

Mercury Sextile or Trine Saturn
Your mental self is marked by an incredible ability to remain focused. You approach problems logically and are irritated by those who seem to rely on intuiting solutions. You are detail oriented and have the tenacity to see even the longest project through to the end.

Mercury Sextile or Trine Neptune
You are attracted to avenues of thought which defy the rational. When allowed your imagination takes you to places most people don’t know exist. The arts probably attract you as a form of personal expression.

Venus In Aries
Where Venus appears on your chart will provide you with information on how you relate to others on an emotional level.

You are one who can fall in love on first sight. While you are not a doormat, you will go to extremes to gain the affection of those you are attracted to. Your attitude is if they are worth having they are worth working to get.

You are very open-minded and non-judgmental when it comes to joys of love. There isn't much you won't try or do to please your companion. However, while being able to feel deeply for others, you are not one to make long term commitments.

Once your love is won you tend to become selfish. You much prefer they make adjustments to fit your needs than you try to accommodate theirs. You are not one to decline momentary encounters to sate your physical needs.

Venus Opposition or Square Mars
You little interest in friendships with the opposite sex. What you want is love. Although you are very appealing to the opposite sex, you"re a bit of a selfish lover and sometimes that can taint your romances. You have real zest for sex and when you desires are not met immediately may become a bit rank.

Venus Sextile or Trine Jupiter
While you are sometimes more than a bit indolent, you are a warm, caring person with a great sense of humor. You actually enjoy helping others, but you're not one to go looking for people to rescue.

Venus Sextile or Trine Saturn
You are not one to just fall in love at first site. Before you fall for someone they must prove to have substantial character. You take love very seriously. Flings and pointless flirtation do not appeal to you. What you want and will wait for is a love that has the potential to strengthen over time.

Venus Sextile or Trine Neptune
You have a very idealistic view of love. Fortunately you realize that no one is perfect and have the ability to overlook the areas where your lover strays from your model of the perfect mate. You tend to be a giver. It is a role you enjoy. People with a strong artistic vent are probably very attractive to you.

Mars In Cancer
Mars is the planet of action. Its placement on your chart will indicate your level of aggression and competitiveness.

You are not especially ambitious and do not need to be at the top of your field. You prefer finding a niche where you are not competing with or being confronted by others. For you security is very important—others can have the glory.

While you are not likely to put up much of a fight for yourself, you will come at others who threaten your loved ones with harm or loss. Suddenly you are the "hidden tiger who leaped from the bush,"and can prove to be a most formidable foe. Your goals and ambitions revolve around your family. While others may ask themselves how they can become rich, you ask yourself are your family members happy and well.

Jupiter In Gemini
Jupiter deals with where the Universe is definitely on your side.

Your mind never takes a moment off. It is always seeking more stimulation. You have a keen intellect and a verbal aptitude that rarely meet there match. You have a gift for finding hidden connections between things that seem totally alien to each other.

Jupiter Sextile or Trine Saturn
While you are definitely and idealist in need of impacting the future, your realism provide you with a solid of sense of "what's possible." It is likely you enjoy a great deal of success. Your optimism and friendliness make it easy for you to enlist people to help you realize your ambitions.

Saturn In Leo
Saturn probes our sense of inadequacy. Where Saturn is on your chart will provide a key to where you feel your weakest.

You tend to need a lot of praise from others to compensate for your lack of faith in yourself. Even social settings that should be fun and unthreatening are labor for you.

Saturn Sextile or Trine Neptune
You are quick and accurate judge of other people’s sincerity and inner-motivations. Your ability to see what truly makes people run may make you misjudge the breadth of your wisdom.

Uranus In Scorpio
Because of distance Uranus is from the Sun, its astrological influence is measured in increments of 7 years. What this means is that the effects of Uranus influence an entire generation. The placement of Uranus on your chart denotes an area where you can expect the unexpected from the Universe and yourself.

Because of distance Uranus is from the Sun, its astrological influence is measured in increments of 7 years. What this means is that the effects of Uranus influence and entire generation.

Your generation is noted for their willingness to dispel social taboos of all kinds. You push the boundaries of accepted behavior. Fanaticism is a common trait in your generation.

Neptune In Sagittarius
Because of distance Neptune is from the Sun, its astrological influence is generally measured in increments of 14 years. What this means is that the effects of Neptune will influence an entire generation in a like manner. Neptune is the Astrological Wildcard. The area in which Neptune appears on your chart is a place where there are no rules. Anything can happen.

You are member of a generation of dreamers and purveyors of the future. You and your contemporaries are very broad-minded and thrive on new forms of spirituality. Traditional religions are far too dogmatic to serve you well, so you are very likely to explore alternative routes to find your spiritual self.

Neptune Trine Pluto
You were born in a period when there was an underlying current of spiritual awareness prevailed. Collectively your generation has a desire to increase the depths of their spiritual self.

Pluto In Libra

Because of the distance Pluto is from the Sun, its astrological influence is generally measured in increments ranging from 12 to 30 years. What this means is that the effects of Pluto influence an entire generations.

The Pluto/Leo collective includes people born within a 12 year time span. Those under the Pluto/Leo influence want to improve how people communicate on both a social and personal level. You feel much of the world's problems stem from poor communication, so the best way to create a better world is to create more effective forms of relating to one another as individuals as well as groups.

People of this generation truly want to create a more harmonious world in which to live. To do so they are often quick to lessen the importance of their differences and concentrate on what is important to all humans.

More About Aries

Famous Aries:
Charlie Chaplin, Marlon Brando, Bette Davis, Thomas Jefferson, Houdini, Wilhelm Reich, Elton John, Aretha Franklin, Gloria Steinem, Leonard Nimoy, Cy Young, W. C. Fields, James Clark, and Otto von Bismarck.

Ideal Occupations:
Aries is well-suited to become a fire-fighter, surgeon, mechanic, dentist, professional athlete and entrepreneur.

Lucky Numbers: 1, 10 ,19, 28, 37, 46, 55

Aries Are Usually Most Compatible With: Leo or Sagittarius

Planet: Mars

Element: Fire

Star Stone: Diamond

My Numerology prediction

2008-05-05T02:27:00.000+08:00

Your Life Path Number is 11 Your Life Path Number represents the path you should take through life and the talents and skills you have to make your journey a rewarding one. Much is expected of those carrying an 11 Life Path Number. Yours is the journey of the Spiritual Messenger. You are meant to explore and come to understand life's spiritual mysteries. As your wisdom grows, you will share your vision with all of humankind. top
	Your Life Destiny Number is 5 Your Destiny Number sheds light on those things you must accomplish in your life to be fulfilled. A 5 Destiny number indicates you will move through life on a stream of change. It is your destiny to explore the limits of your personal freedom and promote free will for all. You will encounter change throughout your life, and where many would see this as instability you will embrace it as the coming of new opportunities. top
	Your Soul Number is 7 Your Soul Number describes your deepest desires and dreams and the person you truly want to be. Life's lure for those with a 7 Soul number is a quiet, peaceful atmosphere in which they can pursue truth and explore their inner-self without interference. 7 Souls are basically hermits. They long to be left alone to study and grow spiritually. top
	Your Personality Number is 7 Your Personality Number reveals the "external you"--the personality traits others will know you by. A 7 Personality Number is the mark of a person deeply absorbed in the pursuit of spiritual and cosmic knowledge. 7s are intelligent, perceptive and introspective. It comes as no surprise that the 7 Personality is an introvert. 7 Personalities can be difficult to get close to. They have the air of a mystic about them and can be quite aloof. Also, 7s love their privacy. However, the 7 Personalities' wisdom and knowledge will draw people to them, and in the end they will realize sharing their knowledge is as rewarding as gaining it. top
	Your Maturity Number is 7 Your Maturity Number reveals the person you will come to be--your true self. A 7 Maturity Number marks a life lived following a path that is divergent from that of others. You will spend your life seeking the truth behind everything. In your later years you will continue to pursue knowledge of your inner-self and universal truths. People will seek you out for your knowledge. top
The 4 Pinnacles Pinnacles represent moments in your life in which you realize current goals and learn some of life's lessons. If you are at the beginning of a Pinnacle, then they can be used as a predictive tool to assist in managing your future. Your first Pinnacle begins at birth and last until around the age of 27. Your Second Pinnacle last through the next 9 year and the Third Pinnacle last for 9 years after the Second Pinnacle has passed. Your Fourth Pinnacle picks up where the Third Pinnacle ends and last throughout the rest of your life top
	Your First Pinnacle Number is 4 You are in a period where you should be building a solid foundation on which to carry on your life. You may be building a home, family or career. Whatever you are doing, it is not a time in which you will or should take it easy. top
	Your Second Pinnacle Number is 8 An 8 Pinnacle is a time in which you will learn to apply power and authority in an effective way. In this period you should master the basic skills to become a good leader: organization, management and hopefully the application of justice for all. top
	Your Third Pinnacle Number is 3 You are at a time in life where the door to self-expression is ready to open. This should be a very creative period for you during which you also develop strong friendships and learn to speak from your heart. top
	Your Fourth Pinnacle Number is 1 A 1 Pinnacle indicates a time when you are attempting to become self-reliant and allow your individuality to blossom. This is a time when you may want to seek teachers to assist you on your journey toward independence. If you should have a 1 as your third or fourth Pinnacle, it is likely destiny is grooming you for leadership. top
The 4 Challenges Challenges denote personal weaknesses and temptations you will have to overcome and strengths you will have to develop to fully realize your goals. The 4 Challenges have the same time frame as the 4 Pinnacles. top
	Your First Challenge Number is 7 A 7 Challenge always marks a very serious period in your life. This period will be marked by intense introspection and the pursuit of spiritual wisdom. Your challenge will be to move through this period of self-discovery while dealing with the isolation such inner journeys often cause. Also you will have to learn to differentiate reality from fantasy. top
	Your Second Challenge Number is 6 A 6 Challenge marks a period in which you will learn to balance the needs of your family with your own. You will learn that true nurturing can only come from your heart. Your idealistic views of marriage may be shaken some, but if you learn to temper them some you will be happier and more secure on the other side of this Challenge. top
	Your Third Challenge Number is 1 A 1 Challenge signifies the struggle to become independent, courageous and have faith in your convictions. If the number 1 appears as your first Challenge you are learning to define your self. Should a 1 appear in your other Challenges you are learning to remain true to your self and become more confident. top
	Your Fourth Challenge Number is 4 Your challenge is to learn the value of practicality, discipline and organization. A 4 challenge is rarely easy. You may find yourself boxed in by boundaries. In this period you will have to learn to be patient, open-minded and flexible. top
The 3 Cycles Cycles occur in 28 year periods. The First Cycle last from birth through your 28th year and is called your Formative or Seed Cycle. The Second Cycle--your Productive or Fruit Cycle--begins at age 29 and last through your 56th year. The Third Cycle, your Harvest Cycle, begins with the coming of your 57th year and last throughout the rest of your life. Your Cycle Numbers tell you the lessons you must learn and goals you must meet to stay on your Life's Path and achieve your true destiny. top
	Your First Cycle Number is 03 Your emphasis during this Cycle will be on unleashing your creativity. You will need to focus your energies to get all you can from this Cycle. The reward for traversing this Cycle successfully is a life full of friends and the coming to fruition of your creative talents. top
	Your Second Cycle is 1 A 1 Cycle indicates a time of action and development. If your First Cycle number is a 1, you are gaining independence and confidence. There may be times when you feel alienated from those around you. A 1 in the Second Cycle reflects a time when you will be confident, determined and able to lead others. A Third Cycle 1 indicates a time in which you will be independent and dynamic. You will be very independent and self-discovery will be a major preoccupation. top
	Your Third Cycle Number is 7 A 7 Cycle denotes a time of analysis and exploring life's deeper meanings. Your need to devote most of your intellectual energies to introspection may well stress your relationships with others, but they should survive. Your knowledge of life's meaning will increase dramatically. You may well be called upon to share your wisdom with others. If a 7 appears in your Third Cycle, this will be a time of quiet, spiritual development. People will seek you out for your wisdom. top
	Your Birthday Number is 1 This number is most influential between your 28th and 56th year. While it is not the most important number in your profile, it does have an effect on your Life's Path and Destiny. You have an independent spirit and a strong desire to be a leader. You are creative and possess the courage necessary to lead others into the future. top
	Your Personal Year Number is 5 This number tells you what is happening in your life this year. This number should be used to help you avoid setbacks and focus your energies on those areas of your life where you are most likely to achieve your goals. You are in a year of change. This is a good time to move in new directions, take a few risks. A 5 year is also a time when your curiosity is at its zenith. Make time to sate your inquisitiveness, travel, and explore interests which you have never made time for before. top
	Your Personal Month Number is 4 This number tells you what is happening in your life this month. Use this number in the same way you would your Personal year number, but apply it only to the current month. Now is the time for you take care of any health issues you may have and ensure that any projects you are involved in are heading in the right direction.

Why do good things seldom last long?

2008-05-04T16:04:00.002+08:00

Good things and moments in life

Orgasm
It is probably the best moment in someone's love life? But it doesn't last long, perhaps it ends in seconds only. Am I right? :) WHY?

Rainbow
one of the most beautiful phenomenon on earth. It needs sunlight, rain aftermath, and sky or something else i forgot. Haha. It never last long. A couple of minutes perhaps? WHY?

Friendships
Most kids and teenagers in their middle age will start to treasure friendships. Then, these words will come "friends forever", "I'll never forget you", "We'll always keep in contact". Haha, but do these promises fulfilled in future? Not even halfway, when you proceed to the next grade, you'll group with other friends and leave your old friends behind. It happens. After you graduate one day, you will leave everyone of them behind. Everyone is busy with their own activities. Then there is the end of friendships. But of course, there is friendship which last longer, however, not forever.

Happiness
At one moment you can be very happy, and next you found out that the happiness has faded. Gone with the wind. Even that is the happiest day of your life. Do you realise that? It might just last for one day or perhaps a few days. You can't feel the same feeling again next time, can you? That's why we have to appreciate the feeling when it comes to us. Try to save it in our memory and recall it when we need it to encourage us.

What else do you know?

Well, overall life is suffering. Farewell is suffering. Loosing is suffering. Hunger and thirst are suffering. Failing is suffering. So, we shall find a way out of the suffering. If there is a will there is a way? But first, we have to create that will, find the right way and the right time.

-end-

Want to know more about me?

2008-05-03T11:33:00.002+08:00

Hey, This is the time when I am going to reveal more about myself. Let's have a look on the below reading:

Birthdate Meaning

"You are a capable person but you usually underestimate your own ability. This is the cause of missing numbers of opportunity to step forward. If you try to give yourself a chance, you can be successful in life. Try to see things on the bright side and you will be happier than ever. Your Love, You are quite unlucky in love. The one in your arm is not the one in your heart. Your love has so many ups and downs. You often chicken out before seeing any progress in love."

It's from facebook application, what does your birthdate means. Some parts of them are true, in fact mostly are true :) Bloody hell!!! Hahahaha...
Sometimes, I just think that I am dumb. I don't want to put extra effort to achieve what I want to get. Maybe it's because that's not the thing that I really want to get or I just don't care too much about my life?my achievement? Perhaps, I shall fight for everything more thoroughly to achieve what I want in life. It's pretty true that I always look things on the negative side before I can see the brighter side. I always consider what will I loose before What will I get? But I am changing from sometime ago. My brother told me before, If you always think negatively, it will kill you. So, Be Positive! However, we must be realistic too. Know our limit. So, when something goes beyond our scope, we shall stop. Also, life is full of surprises, when it comes it comes, you don't get the chance to stop it.

For the love part, hm...It says that I am unlucky in love? Haha. This is not so true since I don't get involved in love affairs too much in my life till now :) However, of course I experienced before. Those I like didn't like me and vice versa. So many ups and down in love? Haha. No way.
When I see little chance in love, I would just quit. I am not the type who fight for love. Hahaha. Use chicken exit!!! :) Maybe I still don't think love will be an important in my live any soon. Love is attachment and I want to be a free man. So, conclusively, Love is not for now. Hahaha. Next.

"Your greatest strengths...strongly loyal to family values"

Family can be said the most important part in my life. I would do anything for the family members of course. Values? I think this is more to What family normally do? Having dinner together, watching tv at the living hall? Greeting each other before bed? Hugging each other when someone is going on a trip? If that's what value means here. I would agree with what facebook said :) I love all these activities, It makes the family livelier. Somehow, it strengthens the bound within the family. What else can we do as a family when everyone is busy with their own issue? So, family first. :)

"Your greatest weaknesses... Pessimistic, haughty and sometimes unsociable and miserly."

Haha, again you can see pessimistic here. I used to be one, but as I said, I am changing from sometime ago. But, when come to supporting friends, encouraging friends, they look at me as a very optimistic person. I do think that human being react the same way when come to supporting people they love? They can be stronger. Agree? :)

Actually, I just checked from Ms. Word the meaning of haughty, and it means "Arrogant". Haha. Bloody hell!! Am I a too proud person? Tell me!! LoL. But, according to the fortune teller who I met last time. I'd be one, one day. Hahaha. So, please don't blame me on that day. People change, everything else change :) OF COURSE, I don't want to be one! I want to be down-to-earth person.

Sometimes I want to be alone and get miserable. Haha, isn't that normal? Don't you think everybody needs their own time? But, I have to agree that I used to be less sociable when I was younger. I just talk less than people do, I listen more. As for the misery, hm..perhaps my past influence me. Nothing much I can do to it. Lastly.

"Jobs you should pursue... Contractors, directors, architects, engineers and editors."

I would like to be an editor and a director, as for the rest I don't think I am qualified anymore. Haha. But I would like to be an air-steward, What do you think? Please tell me! I am so confused now for my future career. However, if you ask me to do what I like. I would surely go for Air-steward. It's the only job that I'd love for now. Travel around the world.

So, remember, go checkout what your birth date means at facebook :) Free advertising!!

-end-

2008-04-08T11:29:00.004+08:00

Cinta, sebuah kata yang tidak berujung

Semuanya terasa manis nan indah
Kamu selalu muncul pertama di benakku
Aku senang bersamamu tertawa dan diam
Aku akan merindukan saat-saat bersamamu

Cinta itu penting sama halnya masa depan
Mungkin ini bukan takdir untuk kita
Mungkin bukan di kehidupan ini
Mungkin di kehidupan mendatang

Kuberitahu Engkau sekali
Aku takut akan hari esok
Aku takut akan kehilanganmu
Aku takut akan perpisahan

Biarlah ia seperti ini
Terkatung katung melawan waktu
Habiskan sisa kisah yang ada
Dengan kenangan nan indah

Inspried by someone

-end-

2008-04-08T11:18:00.003+08:00

Tell me where it hurts - M.Y.M.P

Why is that sad look in your eyes
Why are you crying
Tell me now, tell me now
Tell me, why you're feelin' this way
I hate to see you so down, oh baby
Is it your heart
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue
Is there anything that I can do

Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

Where are all those tears coming from
Why are they falling
Somebody, somebody, somebody left your heart in the cold
You just need somebody to hold on, baby
Give me a chance to put back all the pieces
Take your broken heart
Make it just like new
There's so many things that I can do

Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

(Instrumental)

Oh I'm gonna take it all away, baby

Is it your heart
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue
Is there anything that I can do

Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

Tell me, baby
Tell me, oh yea
Is there anything I can do, baby
Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

This is a lovely song :) About someone eager to win a broken-hearted person's heart. Hahaha. If you want this song. Let me knowww :)

-end-

Hope

2008-04-08T10:26:00.003+08:00

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies"
- Shawshank redemption 1994-

I read a quote which says, Life is the art of dying. That's kind of true. Life is about survival, hope, and giving up. Some people fight for their lives. Some people just give up and commit suicide. Some just live the life as it is and some hope for a better one. Recently, I watched an Oprah video about a girl surviving from a car crash. She had bad injuries all over her body. Her face has no shape. She lost most of her fingers. But still, She can endure it. Such a brave girl. If I were her, I would have comitted suicide. Check this out http://youtube.com/watch?v=x8TFBeB8egk for the video.

I watched another movie the other day, starring Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman. The story is about an inmate who was inprisoned for life because of wrongly accused killing his unfatihful wife. He digged the prison's wall using a tiny hammer for 19 years and finally escaped and became a freeman. What a fight, huh?

I don't know what I am trying to tell here. Haha. Maybe, I am just wondering what should I fight for in this life? What kind of life I want to have in future? I am confused. I stand nowhere. Perhaps, I have been thinking too much of how I want to die. Haha. How I want my old days to be. I never think what I should do along the way. It's never clear until now. I read a beautiful saying yesterday, "If you don't know where you are going, any road can take you there". It's a saying from the Qur'an anyway. This is so true. When you have no plan in life, perhaps you might reach a destination which you never think of. And maybe it will take a longer time.

Blurr..at first I wanted to write on how to die without giving others burden. Haha. Let's talk how to die the best way (suicide).
- Kill yourself with knifes, slash your nerves.
- Hang yourself.
- Burn charcol in a closed room.
- Get OD (Sleeping pills, drugs, insectisides)
- Jump from a building, bridge.
- Get yourself crashed in the middle of the road, by train, cars, buses.
- Burn yourself.
- Jump to the river and get drowned.
- Wat else?? Any suggestion??

Haha. I will choose to eat a lot of sleeping pills till I sleep and die. So, they can still cremate my body. If I jump from a building my brain will jump out and I will crack my bones, Haha, don't want this. Giving people burden, but I can be famous,huh?haha..So, which one will you choose?

-end-

It's appreciation day

2008-03-30T22:47:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, there is moment in life which is undescribeable. We just can't find the right words to represent our feelings. I just had this feeling few days back. It was a memorable moment which perhaps will stick in my mind for a very long time. It's just something different. A time I never had in my life before. I am now 21. Getting old. And you people made it a very special day for me. Thanks a bunch for you people. I really really appreciate all of your efforts and your greetings. You all leave me a sweet memory! I will tell this moment to my kids when they are old enough to listen to my stories one day. HAHAHA. Now you see, how far have I been thinking, LOL.

Let's talk about something that I have, up to this date.

- I have friends today
- I have family too
- I have a little knowledge
- I have a little working experience
- I have the passion to write

What I don't Have.
- Girlfriend
- Wife/ wives :)
- House
- Car
- Much Money
- Insurance
- Kids
- Grandkids
- Power to travel
- Superpowers :)
- Much knowledge and working experience
- Much freedom
- Professionality in writing

Hahaha. Above are only some that I don't have and I have for now. Therefore, I would like to have what I don't have today in 20 years time, except for grandchildren maybe. Haha. Because I am not getting married that soon. So, I am being realistic here.

Today, I want to talk about cireteria in finding a wife. Haha. Can or not? :)

- My wife should be lovely. Sweet. Smart. At least in my eyes, I don't care much of others perspective. Haha.
- I can share my story everyday with her. She is able to listen to me eagerly. Vice versa, I would be happy to listen to her stories. So, She needs to be a little talkative.
- I would be very happy if She can play musical instrument such as guitar or piano. She can sing for me. We can sing together. Laugh together. Haha.
- Freedom with responsibility to each other. Not too much restriction is appreciated. Haha.
- Treating everyday as it's a different day.
- We can skip our job suddenly and go to have fun. Haha.
- She must loves my kids as much as she loves me. Haha. And she must be good in roaring? Hahahahaha...this one is not a must :)
- She might knows what I don't know, so I can learn from her. I know something she doesn't, hence She can learn from me. Learn from each other. Respect each other. Understanding.
- She can be a good mom, we can teach our kids lessons. Language. Games. Music. Perhaps chatting with them through Instant messenger when they are studying abroad plus webwhoring? Hehe.

Haha. Thinking of all these making me want to get married sooner. But life is never that simple. Haha. Therefore we have to find a way out from those complications? Haha. Well, dreaming is not a sin, isn't it? So, that's my dream life in future for now. Who knows the future will be so different? Well, people always change. To the better or worse, that's the question. Hope mine will be the first one :)

-end-

Lame

2008-03-26T01:55:00.003+08:00

Well, these days I realise one bad part of my personalities that I have to admit. Accepting fact is hard for me. I keep rejecting the fact, the reality. I always need some time for it. I don't want to believe that I don't have the abilities, which in fact I don't have. I am being to naive denying realities. Which overall means I am not matured enough, I am still a kiddo. A poor presenter. A poor writer. I am open only for praises but not critiques. I went to far with the fakeness flow, a little critisim will easily blow me down to the deepest sorrow. I love be on the top, I hate being looked down. I am starting to doubt of myself again, my ability, my capability. What do I do now? Motivate myself. I think I just identified the root of my doubt. I am trying to accept the fact. For the greater good. I just need some time. Recall again, Learn to forgive but never forget, Learn from mistakes but never regret.
Always be down-to-earth, low-profile. Never show off. Especially showing off something that you don't even have. Lame you. Wake up.

-end-

2008-03-25T00:23:00.003+08:00

Karamel - Jauh

pernah ada
rasa cinta
antara kita
kini tinggal kenangan

ingin kulupakan
semua tentang dirimu
namun tak lagi
kan seperti dirimu oh bintangku

jauh kau pergi
meninggalkan diriku
disini aku
merindukan dirimu

kini kucoba
mencari penggantimu
namun tak lagi
kan seperti dirimu oh kekasih

jauh kau pergi
meninggalkan diriku
disini aku
merindukan dirimu

kini kucoba
mencari penggantimu
namun tak lagi
kan seperti dirimu oh kekasih

pernah ada
rasa cinta
antara kita
kini tinggal kenangan

ingin kulupakan
semua tentang dirimu
namun tak lagi
kan seperti dirimu oh bintangku

jauh kau pergi
meninggalkan diriku
disini aku
merindukan dirimu

kini kucoba
mencari penggantimu
namun tak lagi
kan seperti dirimu oh kekasih

This song was composed and sang deep from the deepest hard of the singer. Some people say, She wrote this song for her late BF and committed suicide afterwards. So, if any of you want this song. Let me know.

-end-

Lady

2008-03-20T03:30:00.003+08:00

Lady

I glance, there's no words
I try to feel, there are beats
Nothing's more, just blunt look
Hard to say, it's better than book

See you smile, it's happiness
Wondering who, it's eagerness
See you smile, it's great rhyme
Asking why, perhaps it's not time

Feeling weird, it's not right
It isn't love, it is like
Look at light, it is bright
It isn't love, again it is like

Only patience, I do have
Need not rush, but do crave
Life goes on, be it sunny
End it up, with destiny

0 Inspired by a Lady 0

-end-

Please don't walk away

2008-03-15T02:57:00.002+08:00

What a beautiful day
The darkness found no way
We're out of the ordinary bay
Please don't walk away

I'm not insane anyway
Just love me this way
My heart is now in fray
Please don't walk away

Lend me your hands to lay
Be my brightest ray
Guide me to the hay
Please don't walk away

Give me chance to say
It has been a great day
I prefer you to stay
Please don't walk away

Inspired by Intimate

-end-

2008-03-13T20:57:00.002+08:00

I am so crazy about this song right now. Hahaha. It's perfect for those who just split up. LOL. Of course I don't wish any of you to break up. Haha. I always pray everybody in this world to be happy :) Anyway, here is the lyric...Hahaha..Sing this song when you are in a party. COOL!
Oh yeah, Sang by Good Charlotte

She’s going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see if there’s more
Than he gave she’s looking for

He calls her up
He’s trippin on the phone now
He doesn’t want her out there
And alone now
He knows she’s movin it
Knows she’s using it
Now he’s losing it
She don’t care

Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you’ve got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You’ve got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love

He was always giving her attention
Looking hard to find the things she mentioned
He was dedicated
But most suckers hate it
That girl was fine
But she didn’t appreciate him

She calls him up
She’s tripping on the phone now
He had to get up
And he ain’t comin home now
He’s tryin to forget her
That’s how we come with him
When he first met her
When they first got together

Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
[ I Don't Wanna Be In Love lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

If you got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love

To the beat (x3)
You got nothing to lose
Don’t be afraid to get down

We break up
It’s something that we do now
Everyone has got to do it sometime
It’s okay, let it go
Get out there and find someone

It’s too late to be trippin' on the phone here
Get off the wire
You know everything is good here
Stop what you’re doin'
You don’t wanna ruin
The chance that you got to
Find a new one

Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love

Nooo...Noooo

Now you know what to do, so come on feelin' good

-end-

What do you do when you are depressed?

2008-03-12T15:43:00.003+08:00

You might have your own way in dealing with depression. As for me, I would go for singing, shouting, exercising, showering, sleeping, and perhaps crying.

Singing out loud and exercising are really helping me to dig "monkeys" out of my mind. These activities will swallow my energy and cause my body to give up while my mind cannot. So, what I usually do is playing the music really loud and sing the lyrics of my selected song in my bedroom. I wish I had a more powerful loudspeaker. Haha. I will sing until out of voice. Hence, it will help me to sleep better. At least, some rubbish in my mind are gone. Hahaha. Or else I won't be able to sleep.

When my blood circulation has reached its peak on top of my head. That's the time I need chilling. Cold shower helps the best. I may take up to 30 minutes in the bathroom. Haha. Shitting, Washing hair, and keep showering. Clearing my packed mind!

It's hard to cry. Hahaha. But I cry sometimes, you know, I am a human being too :) When there is no other way. I would choose this way. I normally cry if my relatives of someone close to me leave this earth. But for the past year, I cried not because of that. Haha, but because of my relationship. too bad. Love is such a strong feeling, hard to conquer. Hahahaha.

-end-

Karma

2008-03-07T13:55:00.004+08:00

~ When we die, we are reborn~
~ Life is suffering~
~ Suffering can be overcome~
~ There is a way to overcome suffering~
- Right understanding
- Right thought, speech, and action
- Right livelihood
- Right effort
- Right mindfulness and concentration

- The Buddha teachings -

Two days ago, I was having dinner with my chum. Another ordinary week, we went for movies called "Before the devils know you are dead" (SUCKS!!!) The title doesn't reflect the movie at all, out of connection!. Haha. Anyway I am not going to talk about the movie. Let's get back to dinner. There was a little girl came to us, offering tissued and chewing gums. She is a little cute girl, perhaps 5 or 6 yo. I've seen her before a couple of times while eating there. Then I asked her.

Me : How much is it?
Little girl : One for one ringgit, all for five. (holding 3 packs of tissues and 2 packs of chewing
gum)
I then gave her the money and thank her. Actually, I can get a pack of tissue for 30cents. Haha. But, since she is only a little girl and IS ALREADY working on her own. Let me continue to the next story before discussing this further.

It happened 2-3 days ago during lunch time. There is this lady asking us for donation. She was from a rehabilitation centre for "xxxx" children. Haha. I deadly forgot the sickness name. These children have a kind of sickness which is related to their spinal chorde (sumsum tulang belakang). They are unable to sit straight, however they are not down-syndrome. Their sickness can be cured, it takes a hell long time, 7 years of theraphy! Therefore, this lady is a volunteer helping to raise funds to help those children. She speaks really fluently, supported by images of the rehabiliation centre. She was brave enough to give her IC for us to confirm with the rehabilitation centre. (I was thinking of calling to confirm, but then I considered my phone credit, LOL). Then she said, every RM10 donations from us will entitle a 3-day theraphy for one kid. Which isn't a lot. So, I gave RM10 and get a key-chain. Not a bad deal, huh? :)

Does everyone realise that life is suffering? From the above stories, Little girl selling tissue and children with spinal chorde problems. Of course they are suffering. So, whose fault? I was thinking, it was their parents fault. How could you give birth to your kid and abandon them? Asking them to sell tissue when it's not their time to work yet. Or leaving them at the rehabilitation centre just like that? Isn't it their responsibility to raise their kids?

Then I started to think again. A word called "karma" which means fate or destiny. Our doings todays or in the past will determine our future or current time. Then I realised, what is happening today is the result of the past karma. Just look at those children above. They are suffering now, perhaps they didn't do good deeds in the past life. That's why we can see in this very life, it's not fair. Some people are just that pretty, handsome, wealthy, smart, creative, and some are just not. How could this happen? Do you have a better explanation than karma?

Karma happens because we human being reborn or reincarnate. But some just don't believe in reincarnation. They just believe, life is only once. It's whether you go to either heaven or hell and that's it. You have no chance to be a better person. Do you think it's fair?
However, if there is reincarnation, you have the chance to be a better person in your next life. Don't you think this is more fair? Hehe. Think. To end this, I would add another Buddha's teachings.

The Buddha said in Kalama Sutta:
~ Do not accept anything on mere hearsay
~ Do not accept anything by mere tradition
~ Do not accept anything on account of rumors (Believing what others say without investigation)
~ Do not accept anything just because it accords with your scriptures
~ Do not accept anything by mere supposition
~ Do not accept anything by mere inference
~ Do not accept anything by merely considering the apperances
~ Do not accept anything merely because it agrees with your preconceived notions
~ Do not accept anything merely because it seems acceptable
~ Do not accept anything thinking that the ascetic is respected, by us (and therefore it is right to accept his words)

But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with and is condusive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept and abide by it.

"Sabbe Satta Bhavantu Sukkhi Tata" - May all beings live in happiness.

-end-

The best things in life

2008-03-04T20:52:00.003+08:00

The best things in life

We all have our own way of treating this life. There are sad and happy moments in life. So, let's call it the best things in life. Here are mine, How about yours? Hehe

- To make someone fall in love with me :)
- To know that someone likes me and I don't have to do anything about it :)
- To love someone and loved by that someone. Hahaha.
- To achieve what I had strongly expected after my hard work
- To recover from my old dark days. Hahaha.
- To spend time with friends do crazy things, like getting drunk, and to laugh at friends who are drunk. Hahahaha.
- Relax on the top of a cold mountain, watching the sunshine in the silent and cozy wind >> This one is the really2 best things in my life I ever had. Better than having a girlfriend. Hahaha. I don't know whether better than sex or not. LOL
- To meet someone you really miss for a long time
- Kissed on the cheek by somebody I love. Hahaha. I will feel like I am a little kid :)
- To do something new and adventorous. Hehe, like trying extreme rides.
- To sing songs while showering. Haha, perhaps I do this everytime in the bathroom :)
- Lastly, to share my happiness with others, and others feel it too. Hehe. The best things in life are meant to be shared.

So, What are yours? :)

-end-

Teman, Membaca dan Menulis

2008-03-03T19:43:00.002+08:00

Church again :)

It was a fine morning yesterday. Three of us went to the place of God. Up to now I still doubt if God ever exists. Haha. But don't mind that. I have a good intention going to his place. I was seeking for something new in His house. I found peace, the first I went there. There was a huge crowd of people from different races. I was amazed. Then I realise, this is why human still needs religion. Nowadays a lot of people loose faith and become atheist. Most of them believe in theirselves, which I don't think is wrong. However, in this place I can see the recklessness of human being, the fragility. Those who cannot endure the hardness of life and hence seek some help, light. Indeed, worshipping God is not a bad thing to do at all. They do good deeds, they donate, they accept their fragility, they realise their wrong doing, and most importantly, they want to be a better person. The church is a good platform for them to do those things.

As for me, since I am not a christian. I have other intentions going to church. Waking up early morning on Sunday is good for health :) I can spend sometime with my friends in this final stage of study, you know this is my very final semester of my degree. I also have the chance to learn the teachings from the speech of the Fathers, which until now I don't get anything yet. Hahaha. I think I need more time :) I don't understand, becoz they cited the content in the holy bible and read it to us and explain. I found the explanation was not clear enough. Hahaha. I might need to put more effort to listen next time. And lastly, going to church give me the chance to witness beautiful and pretty and handsome human beings. Hahahaha...too precious too miss since I am a single :)

Makan Ulat

Kalian semua tentu punya teman yg bisa di ajak gila2an kan? Haha. Pernah makan ulet bareng gak? LOL. Kemarin tuh pas makan di satu tempat makan di sunway (Nama tidak disebut untuk menghindari perusahaan nama baik dari restoran bersangkutan) ada satu ulet di nasi udukku. Haha, setelah liat2 ga gitu kotor uletnya, dan keliatan berprotein kata temen aku. Akhirnya kita ga minta tukar deh nasi uduknya. Malahan, uletnya kita potong jadi dua, aku ama temenku berbagi porsinya. Huehuehue. Ga gitu kerasa uletnya, soalnya kecil sih :)
Kadang kalau ada yg suka protes pasti udah dituker itu makanan, marah2, dsb. Haha. Kan kasian jg tuh yg buat mkanannya, dia jg ga sengaja lah naruh ulat di makanan loe. Mereka juga manusia toh. Haha. Sekian

Blogging sounds girly

One of my good friends gave me the idea of writing this topic. Haha. He said I was a sissy because I like blogging, writing my thoughts, being sentimental. I am sure a lot of people still think that way. Blogging is like writing diary. In the old days, most girls write their daily activities in a book they call "Diary". I don't know whether the westerner do this or not. As I come from Indonesia, this is one of the culture. Therefore, people tend to relate writing as a girly thing. Haha. My best friend who told me is a living proof :)

He then said, writing own feelings by blogging is showing your weakness. You are not strong enough. Actually, when I am stressful and my mind is pakced. That's the time I will blog. Throwing my thoughts and feelings into writing make me feel better, that's how i get rid of those feelings. Yeah, I have to admit that my best friend is somehow right about that. However, writing as escape is a lot better than getting drunk, smoking, drugs, etc. That's one way of seeing it :) Of course we don't write sad things all the time, do we?

I used to hate writing at schools, I prefer reading. I read signs, I read car's plate number, I read advertisements, etc. I am quite observant of the environment around me. It's my habit. However, I started writing blog circa two or three years ago. But I don't write frequently, as I said earlier, I write when my mind is full. Haha. But, it's different now :)

Do you people realise that, most great authors are guys? Do you know most of them start writing diary, notes, blogging before they publish their books? Haha. So, is it a girly thing now? What do you think? I have known one popular indonesian book titled "Jomblo". The author first started blogging and then published the book becoz many of its readers suggested so.

Blogging is one way of expressing ourselves, freely, without borders. We can write everything we want. Anytime we want. Without interference from others. We are entertaining ourselves. If others don't like our writing. It doesn't matter, does it? Haha.

I write to practice my writing, I read to know more style of writing and the knowledge in the books. I belief everybook has its own advantage, its own teaching. I am doing this because I have to have skill when I work. In advertising world, everyone must know how to write. Regardless of their position. Copywriter, Art Director, and especially account management which is my field of work. All of them must know how put their thoughts into writing, which a lot of people stil find it hard to do. Am I right? Haha. ponder. It's getting long, let's end it here :)

-end-

Fakta mengenai binatang2, Hahahaha...

2008-03-03T19:28:00.004+08:00

Berikut adalah artikel yg aku copy dari seorang penulis Indo yg terkenal namanya Budiman Hakim. Haha. Habis lucu sih :) jadi selamat membaca deh dan ketawa2...

Tahukah anda bahwa jika anda berteriak terus menerus
selama 8 tahun, 7 bulan dan 6 hari, energi yang anda keluarkan
akan cukup untuk memanaskan secangkir kopi
(Ngapain? Nggak sebanding sama hasilnya)

Jika anda kentut secara konsisten selama 6 tahun 9 bulan,
anda akan menghasilkan gas yang cukup untuk menciptakan
energi yang diperlukan dalam membuat bom atom.
(Nah, kalo ini mendinganlah, lebih sebanding)

Durasi orgasme seekor babi dapat mencapai 30 menit lamanya!!
(kalo reinkarnasi gue mau jadi Babi ah? That's for sure...)

Membenturkan kepala ke tembok menghabiskan 150 kalori setiap jamnya.
(Hmm...Gue masih kepikiran soal babi tadi......)

Dari banyak spesies, hanya manusia dan lumba-lumba yang bisa
melakukan seks sebagai sebuah kesenangan.
(Oh jadi itu sebabnya Flipper sang lumba-lumba selalu tersenyum
dan babi bisa orgasme 30 menit? Nggak adil, nggak adil !!!!!)

Semua beruang kutub kidal.
(Sebodo amaaattt!)

Seekor kecoa mampu bertahan hidup selama 9 hari tanpa kepala,
sebelum mati karena kelaparan.
(Hii syeerem... Jadi next time kalo mau mbunuh kecoa, make sure
seluruh badan ancur!)

Seekor kutu mampu melompat sejauh 350 kali panjang badannya.
Kira-kira sama dengan seorang manusia melompat sejauh lapangan sepak bola!!!
(masih kebayang yang tadi..30 menit bow...kebayang nggak sih?....
dan kenapa musti babi?)

Belalang sembah jantan tidak bisa membuahi betinanya selama
kepalanya masih menempel pada tubuhnya. Sang betina harus
memulai ritual seks dengan memenggal kepala sang jantan.
(Mudah-mudahan nggak ada yang ngasih tahu mereka soal babi tadi....)

Beberapa jenis singa mampu kawin sebanyak 50 kali dalam sehari.
(Boleh juga, tapi lebih gila babi. Quality over quantity bow...)

Alat perasa pada kupu-kupu adalah kakinya.
(Hii...)

Bintang laut tidak mempunyai otak...
(Ah, nggak cuma bintang laut. Manusia juga ada.)

Moral of the Story:
Gile juga tuh babi... salut... hehehehe.... ..

--Aneh2 aja yah cerita di atas :)--

-End-

Hari Kabisat 2008

2008-03-01T00:08:00.000+08:00

Kata seseorang, "Habis gelap terbitlah terang"

Orang itu adalah R.A. Kartini kalau aku gak salah ingat. Haha. Pepatah org dulu terkadang ada benarnya juga. Inilah yg skrg sedang aku rasakan.
Matahari sedang bersinar dengan teriknya menyinari hidup ini. Bulanpun sangat mendukung di kala gelap, ditambah dengan bintang2. Hahahaha..Aneh aneh aja :)

Anyway, Hari ini Hari Kabisat, ya hari yg cukup indah, empat tahun sekali dalam hidup. Jadi tahun ini (2008), adalah keenam kalinya aku melewati hari Kabisat. Hehe, kira2 brapa kali lagi ya saya bisa melewati hari ini lagi di masa depan? Mudah2an bisa kira 15x lg deh :)

Kembali ke topik utama diatas tadi, mulai skrg aku berkeinganan memngetik blog yg gak melankonis lagi kayak dulu2. Hahaha..masa masa gelap telah berlalu, mulailah dengan isi yg lebih padat :) apa dong isinya? Bingung jg nih, tapi ya pastinya ga tentang cerita2 sedi lagi deh, ok penonton? haha..harap penonton tidak akan kecewa abis bacanya. Kali ini aku ceritain dulu tentang lika liku ambil jurusan sampai dengan kuliahan aku skrg, karna ini sudah semester terakhir. Kali terakhir untuk menuntu ilmu secara akademik. Haha, kl ada kesempatan mungkin akan lanjut ke jenjang yg lebih tinggi lagi. Tapi tentu saja bukan dalam waktu dekat ini, sudah jenuh soalnya. Ok lah, jangan basa basi lagi, making panjang nanti, kyk ngomong ama si babo. Haha.

Masa SMA dan Kuliahan

Bisa dibilang, masa ini masa paling malas selama saya sekolah. Karna koko ama cece ku ambilnya jurusan IPA, jadi deh, ga mau kalah gengsi ambil IPA jg. Haha. Tp aku akhirnya ambil jurusan communication jg. Pilihan yg salah pas SMA? Tidak, aku tidak menyesalinya. Karna memang jurusan IPA itu ambil jurusan IPS pas kuliahan tidak berpengaruh banyak. Toh, kebanyakan pelajaran IPS sudah kita pelajarin sebelum2nya di SD dan SMP.
Lanjut, seblum lulus SMA bingung mau ambil jurusan apa. Sukanya sih psikologi dulunya, pengennya bioteknlogi, tp yg disaranin sih Komunikasi. Jadi gimana dong? Akhirnya tes bakat deh, hasilnya menunjukkan aku cocok ke psikologi, dan pilihan kedua itu apa yah, lupa. Org pas tes bakat ada pertanyaan yg mengarah ke psikologi sih, ya hasilnya psikologi deh pastinya. Haha, habis2in duit aja. Masih bingung juga, tes sekali lagi, kali ini di tempat yg beda. Hasilnya mengarah ke personalia katanya atau komunikasi. Haha, tambah bingung lagi deh. Terakhir ngetes di UNTAR deh, masuk dapat golongan yg ketiga out of 5. Jd bayarnya brapa juta gt. Tapi untunglah, nilai SMA trakhir menyelamatkan impian aku kuliah ke negri jiran. Akhirnya ambil di Limkokwing deh.

Awal2ny, bingung tuh aku berada di jalan yg benar gak. Tapi, pas uda sem 3 ato 4 barulah jalan yg aku ambil makin terlihat kejelasannya. Ada arahnya, dan tambah mengertilah aku apa yg selama ini aku pelajari, Advertising. Passion mulai terbentuk, lebih sering liat iklan pas ada acara TV, Hehe, ini dosenku si Lilian yg saranin. Dan ada satu dosen yg lebih hebat lagi namanya Mr.Bong, Dosen botak, muka merah2, alkoholik, tegas, sedikit pervert. Haha, akan tetapi dialah yg memotivasi aku untuk belajar, motivasi itu tumbuh dari diriku sendiri. Dia dengan pengalaman dan kebijaksanaanya benar2 membuat aku bersemangat untuk ke kelasnya. HAHA, selama sekolah berpuluh tahun, cuma inilah pertama kalinya aku penuh dengan semangat mau ke kelas, belajar. Bayangkan betapa besar kharisma yg di miliki si Mr.Bong ini, yg suka celoteh, becanda, sekaligus sangat menjunjung tinggi nilai keadilan. Hahaha..Ingat dosen ini jadi ingat buku Tuesday's with Morrie. Aku serasa punya seorang professor yg bijaksana juga kayak si Mitch Albom :)

Sekianlah cerita tentang SMA dan kuliahan, uda kepanjangan. Sebenarnya masih banyak lagi yg ada di benak ini. Tp nanti penonton kecewa susah juga. Hahaha..Ada yg suka berkomen ria? Silahkan..

-end-

It's 2008 already!

2008-01-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

The last few weeks have been amazing for me. I feel the real happiness again, gathering with my close chums. It was lovely. Spent my new year's eve spraying your buddies, strangers, and get yourself really wet, and sunk by the gorgeous fireworks. It's simply beautiful, beautifully simple :), yet pleasant.

And yes, the previous year should be called the year of learning. This year will be the beginning of craving the right path for the future.

Last year, a lot of things happened. I traveled the furthest ever, to the place I never dreamed of, The States. It was a wonderful place, witnessing how people live there, how parents communicate with children, how people get things done. A lot of sweet memories of course, meeting friends from other continents, but ended with sour memory :( Too bad for me.
However, I'd like to go there again one day, with my kids perhaps.

These are things I learned for the 365 days:

- Sometimes, things don't go the way that we want it to be, hence they force us to choose them. As a man, we have to decide. When decision is made, be responsible. Face the consequences, be it good or bad. And remember, what you did, will certainly change your destiny, though people said, everything in the worlds is destined, it is not true. And of course, Never regret what you decided.

- The second thing is, we can sense how confident someone is from a handshake. I experienced this quite a few times. Those with self-confidence will grab your hands strongly and vice versa. So, next time when you shake hands with people, try to notice this :) But I don't think this is applicable to girls or woman. Hehe. This is guys' stuff.

- Love is something which i can feel. I know who I love, and of course I know why I love. But sometimes anger steals it from me. It keeps coming too, and cause me a lot. I am out of control. I am wondering why some people see me without rage. Haha. You are so wrong people.
And last year I was filled with love, a bunch of them. I thought I felt them, they were so true and real. In the end, all were gone, only memories which I can say torture me a lot left. At least, I learned from my mistake. I don't think I need to forget all those memories to be able to move on. I can linger with it for sometime. It will fade by itself, if not tomorrow, it will one day. There are questions left unanswered which I really want to know. That's another thing I learned last year :)

- Friendship should be redefined today. Friendships keep no lies, no burden, no hesitation. Haha..I don't really know what to write in this part. But I am telling you is, you don't need to say too much about friendships, you don't have too talk too much too each other, a true friend understands your needs and sorrow without you telling them :)

- Actually there are a lot more that I learned, but I FORGOT most of them :(

Let's talk about this year. Haha. I just watched 3 marathon movies with my chum few days ago. It's a new record for me and him :). The other day, I also went to the bar for the first time for the last 2,5 years I am overseas. Hahaha, drank but not drunk. It was pretty fun.

I experienced how executive work is now. I am doing my internship at the moment. It's finishing soon. Advertising is hard, takes much of my life's time. Haha. I am starting to consider my future career from now on, LOL. Oh yeah, on new year's eve again, I went drunk with my buddies from my home town, Hahaha, it was furney. My chum had to wake up early to work. The earth seemed moving around him, pity him :)

One last sentence which I quoted from my manager who says:

"I am the sum of all my wisdom and experiences, plus a little bit of my heritage"

How true do you think the sentence it? Hehe, think!

Comments please readers :)

-end-

Love Leaves Scar/S

2007-11-29T23:18:00.001+08:00

I heard before that heartbroken will be healed by time, however it will leave scar. It's kind of true. You can never forget about the one you ever loved sincerely, don't say the one that you weren't serious at of course. There is one thing I realised recently, if there are too much scars, we can barely feel the pain. Let's say a mechanic, he works on the machine everyday, gets his hands dirty, slashed, everyday. His skin is getting thicker and thicker as time goes on. He will barely feel the pain. It goes the same way for love. If people have been hurt by love or have a number experiences of it, they can get rid of it easily. Believe me? or they don't take love for granted anymore, and treat it as a game, perhaps.

It's really hard to forget someone you loved. It's happening to me now. And there is another concern in my mind now, future. I am learning how to become a committed person, to anything, work, friendships, love, family, anything. Committed to what i do.

I can give up easily. Sometimes I feel really passionate, but it can just fly ways the next time. It always happens to me, too bad. How could I become a man? Haha..

LOVE LEAVES SCAR/S

-END-

Time

2007-11-04T21:14:00.000+08:00

It's been sometime not writing. It's because I have no problem. Haha. I haven't go any problems lately. I have been happy. Happy with my life. Happy spending my time doing my tasks, happy to be leader, happy to realise that my friends love me, happy spending my lunches and dinners with my friends, happy to share my experiences with them. Above all, I am happier to see my friends happy, and furthermore that they like me :)
It's been 3 months since I returned from the US. Now I start missing the time there. Wildwood, a small little tiny lovely city with warmth people and some punks as well. Haha. I love the breeze blown from the beach. I love the feeling being around strangers. I love the extreme rides, it made me braver now :) It really did!
It's been 3 months, but there still something occupying my mind. I think it will last another some time and of course not forever. Since I told you, I've been happy lately, busy as well. These business occupy my mind thinking of the past. They helped me. Also, an angel rescued me from those horrible days, showed me lights although you are in the darkness too. Haha.
It feels good to know that someone cares about you. I hope this feeling will last a little longer, and most importantly, It's real and not artificial, because I can't differentiate if it is real or fake.
I hope all this fun I am having now will last a bit longer, I never hope it will last forever. Nothing is everlasting in this world, I know that very well.
I thank you all for making my life better. I thank you who made me miserable as well as stronger. What comes around, goes around. I believe in karma.

-end-

Thank you for the songs

2007-09-30T00:56:00.000+08:00

I am so glad today. Listening to the beautiful voice of you.
If people sing for me. I am always stunned by them. I admire them.
Especially if they sing with passion. With pure intention to make you happy.
Without reluctant, It's so real. You can hear it.
Thank you..

-end-

Is there God?

2007-09-19T21:54:00.001+08:00

Two days before Vesakha day, 2 years ago. I lost my good friend which is already like my brother. He was killed in a motorbike accident. That night, we went out together. 4 of us in 3 motorbikes., heading to one of my friend's house. Half way, we took different road. I arrived first at my friend's house. Waited for about 15 minutes and the most horrible news came to me that night. One of my friends who was on the same motorbike with him coming saying that my friend is in the hospital now.
At first, I thought it was only minor injuries. BUT, when we arrive at the hospital, we all saw him breathless, lying, dying in the emergency room. We couldn't say anyhting, all we can do was just begging the doctor to save him. However, that day was his fate, it has to end there, his life.
There was a belief on that night, told by my friends' mother. She asked us to go the the accident scene and try to call his soul back. We went there, we kneeled on the road in the middle of the night, 1am. We begged, we shouted his name, we cried, and we prayed. I even tried to make a deal with the "God" which I don't think exist that night. I will be a christian if he saves my friend that night. "God" did nothing, He did not care, or simply because he did not exist.
My friend, he has two kids, one is 5 years old, another is only 8 months. Why would he take him from his wife and children?? What are they gonna do without him?? For your information, my friend is a very generous person, the neighbourhood knows his kindness. He helps everybody. He works very hard, but it's only enough. He doesn't want to be millionaire, but just sufficient to feed his family.
A lot of things remind me of him. Songs, jokes, and much more. From that night on, I am sure that God doesn't exist.

I am always wondering all this life, why all these things happen to me? Those people who are closed to me are gone. What did I do that make you take my loved one from me? If he exists, does he want to see me suffering? I did nothing bad when I was a kid, but you took my loved one too, not only one, but both of them!! What the hell is this called? are you telling me that you are the greatest? You can do everything? YOU ever love me???
This life is NEVER EVER FAIR!

I always feel envy when my friends got calls from their moms :( I want to get a call from my mom too. They talk like friends. They communicate well. They will tell each other every stories, what's happening. But me? I have no one to tell my stories. I want someone to show me that they care of me. Basically, I need to be spoiled sometimes, I want attention. Friends are different, not saying that they don't care of me, but what I want is family care.
I feel like I have no communications at all in this family, it's just so hard to communicate. Maybe silent is gold for us. I feel so lonely. I will be insane one day :(

One thing I belive is karma and reincarnation. I believe during my past life, I have killed a lof of beings. This result to what I am facing today. Therefore, I want to be a better person this life. Fixing my past failures. I don't want my kids to suffer this too. I want a happy family.

Dalai Lama, the Tibet spiritual leader once told Reader's Digest that He doens't believe in God. So am I. No offence for those who believe in god. How many god are there actually?

I was wondering, why do they put, "God bless you", not "God blesses you". The first one is in plural form which means that there are moren than one God. So, which one is true? Can anybody tell me?

Dalai Lama once said:
"If problems can be solved, why should we worry? If problems can't be solved, worriness is not helping too".

-end-

Drunk

2007-09-08T16:23:00.000+08:00

September 8, 2007.

This is the first time of my life I got really drunk :")
I finally knew how it feels to be drunk. I just wanted to get drunk and feel it. Let me tell you how I felt if you never get drunk before. I don't drink liquor for around 8 months. I can't stand drinking too much. I know my limit.

Yesterday midnight, I finnally managed open the wine bottle which I bought 3 weeks ago :)
Before drinking I went to a friend of mine. Chatting, laughing about someone :) Hahaha..It was such a stupid story, isn't it jac? :) It was raining heavily yesterday, good time to drink.

I almost finish the whole bottle with one of my housemate. Then I felt really dizzy. Unable to balance my body. Haha. Then I went to toilet, pee. Then ran to my bed and threw my body. I couldn't wake up. Haha. I lied for sometime and feel like I have vomited, but I wasn't sure. I felt like vomiting again, then I ran to the toilet again and vomited. Haha. After finished, they on the way to the my bedroom, I saw two big stain of thick wine on the floor!! LOL. I then realised that I already vomited before I entered my bedroom at the first time. Hahaha. That's how drunk I was. I even forgot that I have vomited :) . Then I cleaned up. and went to bed and slept for almost 13 hours. A jal ja sleep :) but I still dream of you. Haha, then I know how deep have you gone into myself. I am such a weak boy, I couldn't go against you. If you are reading this, YOU are such a great person. I never know whethere I was too rude to you or you are too sensitive. Your only reason is that first day. But is it only my fault? Is it only me? It's not. It's two way.

I don't think I am gonna drink anymore after this. It's just enoguh for once. I just wanted
to know the feeling. I felt better today. I am a better boy, not yet a man. I know that I will never forget you. Why should I try to get rid of you? silly. You are the first for everything in my love life. yes you are. I am still happy that it's you not other people. Because I truly knew that I chose the right person. If you are still reading this. I always want you to be happy. to be glad. don't be too egoistic. don't keep remembering people's fault to you. don't be too envious. And I shall remember all you advices to me. and don't forget to thank you.
Learn to forgive but never forget, Learn from mistakes but never regret.

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Awkward Dream

2007-09-03T18:02:00.000+08:00

In my opinion, dream happens when we think about them. Even the slightest part of them. Maybe we only about something which is very specific. For Instance I am just thinking about a name before I went to sleep, and the result is that person came into my dream and appeared in many scenes in that dream. The other thing might be the things that I encountered during the day. I saw something during the day, and I met those things and places again in my dream with some actions of course. It always happnes to me that way.
However, sometimes I just didn't think about them at all but they still come into my dream. There is a time which I dreamt almost everyday, and there is a time which I did not dream at all. The later will be my peaceful sleeping time. As I ever watched or heard from somebody, they said that the soul travels back to the places where we visited during the day.

Does anyone believe that?? Haha..sounds nonsense at all :) and Do you guys believe what happen in dream will happen in real life? For me, I do think that dream is the reflection of our thought. When we think of something, and it came to our dream, It is the thing that we are not able to do in real life, or it might be something that you really want to do in real life. For example, you just broke up with your girlfriend and you know she betrayed you. You wanted to take revenge on her but you can't do it in real life. Then your soul will take revenge of her in the dream. You will show herself while you are holding hands with other girls. Yeah, it's kind of revenge, isn't it?

And one more thing, when you are taking a nap in the evening or afternoon, you will realise that most of our dreams are peculiar. As it always happens to me. It is the dream that I have no idea about, especially the place and the people that you don't think about. Most of the dreams are about ghosts haunting me :)

Then come the real purpose of writing this blog today, LoL. Above was just the intorduction of what so called dream..Hahaha...

At around 3pm today I went to sleep after read a tiny part of a novel titled Kite Runner just borrowed from my friend. This novel has a setting in Kablu, Afghanistan I guess according to me :) because I haven't really read them yet. Just a few pages. Then, in my mind, Afghanistan has phonetic sound with WAR. Then here start my dream in which I still remember, you know most of memories of our dreams are gone once you get up. So, jot it down before you forget and make a novel..hahahaha...I am turning insane :) here it goes again.

I was back at my home in Medan. I was going to my mandarin private course. I used to have mandarin course when I was in senior high school. Then, I was in a hurry at that time because I almost ran out of time. But I hurrily ran downstairs to take my motorbike, shitt! I forgot my bag. How could I? Then I ran back for my back upstairs. Then I found that my best friend Ahong is playing my computer in my bedroom. But I didn't pay atttention to me, I was looking for my bag. Then I found it, there were a lot of stuffs inside. Then I remembered in my dream that I forgot to give some stuffs that I was told to pass it to ahong, maybe It was from my previous dreams, lol. It seems like this has the connection with my other dreams :). Once I passed those stuffs to him (Ahong is a man), I ran down the stairs again, three steps in one jump. I saw my friend a fat girl name Achiu. She was on my motorbike. Then I jumped to my motorbike at the passenger seat, but then, she turned into somebody else (weird!!!), it was my cousins, Fenny, she was the closest one to me. Then I took the steering from her, and told her, "I thought that you are Achiu?? How could you turn into yourself??" She kept quite.

I then rode the bike, but it was too slow. I couldn't sped up to the third gear. Somebody, which I knew was insane was chasing us. His name is Otong, I always see him during my time in my hometown, He is a bit idiot but not harmful. However in that dream, he wanted to touch my cousins (My cousin is pretty you know :> ). Shitt, she screamed like hell asked me speed up. But I couldn't!! It just didn't accelerate even thougt I have twisted the gas to the end. (How could this happenn?? ). Atong could even run faster than us, lol. Then I got pissed off and stop and fight him and then he left us. Fiuhh...

Second scene, I saw some autines which are all in new hairstyles. I think I know some of those people. But some of them are screaming into each others, didn't know why. Then I realised that I was late for my mandarin tuition. I was still in front of my house. But suddenly someone said, close the door, the police is coming. Then then shut the door and I hurrily twisted my gas and run for my tuition class. Haha.. In the middle, I met Ahong or Kevin, I forgot and we talked about something which I forgot too :) then I left him. It appeared that I forgot to put on my helmet, and when I realised that, the police was already throwing the ticket to me (In a fashionbale way!!! ), So funny!! He was throwing the ticket into the road in a slow-motion, like the scence in the matrix, I guess you all know that. I was trying to escape the police, however there were too many polices!! I gave up and then picked up the ticket from the ground and I saw the amount was 1,300. I thought that it was in RM, lol. So much!! Then I realised that it was in Medan, hehehe..How could it be so cheap?? the summon amount was never that cheap before :) and shittt!! When I was turning around, I realised that I was riding against the trafiic, haha..another policed wanted to catcth me, but I told him I was just given ticket and I showed him the ticket then he released me :). So, I rode for sometime and stop somewhere which I never know where it was. Then I asked somebody where I can pay the summon. Unluckily I lost my ticket. Then I was trying to find it, but I found so many tickets on the ground which were not mine. So, I thought I was going to forget that ticket and get back to my motorbike.

And you guess what?!? My motorbike was gone! There were a lot people which looked like street punks. I also saw some mechanics were destroying motorbikes which I was sure one of them was mine. Then I asked the guy and they said they don't know. I got really close to a guy and grab his collar, and said "return my bike", I was so raged!! but the scene dissolved.

I was then back in the war zone. It was so complicated situation to be mentioned. I couldn't write the description. I saw a lot of armies attacking my country. I was trying to survive in that war. In the end, I thought the war was over and I was trying to find someone. I was hitting the walls and cried and shouting someone's name. I thought in that dream I lost her although She was never with me in that dream. I feel so depressed that I felt that She was my love. I felt so lost!! Full of anger! then I open my eyes, fortunately I didn't hit the wall in reality, but my fist was so firm facing my bedroom wall the time I woke up :) Hahaha..Felt exhausted and powerless. LoL. I can't feel one side of my shoulder for some time. WHAT A DREAM!!! HUH!!

Hahahahaha...I hope that you readers can understand my story, LoL. It needs some concentration and determination to read and get my story of course! Happy reading...

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There is a time in my life

2007-09-02T20:32:00.000+08:00

I have wanted to write these things for weeks, but only now I start writing it. Here it goes my first blog in blogger.com. The time in my life. Deep from my thought. True without lies. True with no questions.

Family

There is a time that I don't know what family is.
There is a time I realised that I have no family.
There is a time I needed a family and realised how important is a family to me.
There is a time I feel that I have a family.
There is a time I feel very glad in family gathering.
There is a time I think that I don't have a perfect family.
There is a time I missed my parents.
There is a time I think for what I have done in the past that caused me to suffer this life without family.
There is a time I realised that I have a very care family.
There is a time I wanted to take care and love my only uncle, auntie, brother, sister, and cousin.
There is a time I wanted to have a close relationship within family.
There is a time, a time that I feel that I would rather have no-family.
There is a time that I feel I am the most useless in the family.
There is a time I wished I would have a happier and complete family in the future.
There is always time for me to make a new family one day for sure. So, that's all about family. Friends come after family.

Friends

There is a time I realised friends are everything for me.
There is a time I realised I can't live without them.
There is a time I love my friends more than my family.
There is a time I feel closer to my friends than my family.
There is a time I feel that I hate my friends.
There is a time I doubt the credibility of my friends.
There is a time I feel that my friends are just making good-use of me.
There is a time I hate my friends.
There is a time when I think friends are just useless.
There is a time when I think only my future wife is my true friend, not my friends.
There is a time I want to stop making friends.
There is a time I miss them so much and need them to accompany me.
There is a time I feel really blessed to have them.
There is a time I left my friends behind because of love.
There is a time I felt that I am guilty to my friends because of love.
There is a time that I think they would understand my position.
There is a time I regret to have left them behind.
There is a time that I am ashame to face them again.
There is a time of full happiness with them, and there is also difficult time with them.
I should never forget my friends for they are parts of me. I should never leave them behind again because of love. I should never regret doing so again. Never regret but forget. There is always time. If not in this life, maybe in the after life.

Love

There is a time I don't know what love is.
There is very early time that I feel I love someone.
There is a time when I love so many people.
There is a time I think love is a game.
There is a time I stop in the middle way to pursuit love.
There is a time that I was really hoping someone to pay my love, a long time.
There is a time I refused love.
There is a time I gave up on my love.
There is a time I feel relief to give up on my love.
There is a time I wish and pray for my love to be happy.
There is a time I forget what love is and saty away from love.
There is a time I hate my beloved.
There is a time I give up again to pursue my new love.
There is a time when I think I found my love.
There is a time that I think I was wrong.
There is a time when I feel guilty in that love.
There is a time when I feel I am playing the love.
There is a time when I realised that I made mistake.

Then come the time when I am really in love.
That is the time when I only know everything but love.
That is the time when I only think everything but love.
That is the time when I think I found my true and first love.
That is the time when I felt the rejection of love.
That is again the time I gave up on love.
That is the time when that spirit of love strucks me again.
That is the time I feel I am really in love again.
That is the time I think I would protect my love as long as I could.
That is the time I think I had my first love.
That is the time I feel I am the happiest person in the world.
That is the time I feel I would do everything for my love.
That is the time I made mistakes to my love.
That is the time I ruined my love.
That is the time when I feel I have my second chance.
That is the time that I made so much memories of love.
That is the time that I think my love is everything.
That is also the time I left my friends for love.
That is the time I feel like love really cares for me for the first time.
That is the time I feel bored of love.
That is the time I feel I need friends instead of love.
That is the time I feel I need some privacy time.
That is the time I feel I am under pressure of love.
That is the time I realised that I am able to hate love.
That is the time when I want to run away of love.
That is the time when I realised love is complicated.
Then come the time when I want to end love but I was too scared to lost love.
Then come the time when I was betrayed by love.
Then come the time when I realised there was no such love all this while.
Then come the time I realised that love is never real.
Then come the time when I was so fucked up because of love.
Then come the time I couldn't do anything because I have no love.
That's the time I ever really hate love.
Then come the time I realised that there is a hole in me because of love that will never ever recover.
Someone said that time will heals the wound. But I don't think so, because wound left scar that will never be forgotten. Someone will never forget how you made them feel, they only forget what you did and say to them.
Then come the time I still miss my love.
That's the time I doubt that I am still sane.
That's the time I was ever humiliated such way. That's the time I should wake up and become a better person. High in pride. Never throw away your fucking pride because of anything but life!

As I always say, Tomorrow is always a better and keep hoping there is always tomorrow.

That's the end of my first blog in this cyberworld. Feel free to drop comments.

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